Tuesday, July 19, 2011

.: Indelible speech :.

Resolution to live.

Self-Adopted Big Brother:: As a brother, I would like to advise you on a few things. You are too soft-spoken. Speaking to you is as if I'm speaking to my girlfriend, or my wife. I am not saying it is a bad thing, however I am worried for you. I am worried that other men might take it the other way, and you would not be able to fend yourself. It is not your nature but you have to be more firm. Cut your conversations short and always be vigilant of your conversations. If you sense there is an inclination towards the negative, immediately divert that focus away. Guard yourself at all times.

As a Muslimah, it takes a lot for me to ensure I behave within the Islamic code of ethics and speech when it comes to having discourses with the opposite gender. Double the effort since day in day out I typically deal with men.

Nevertheless, while strictly keeping in tune to the topic of discussion and evading sidetracked moments, undeniably there had been instances where I ponder upon whether I had done anything that could have tipped over the line. I may have been victorious in reducing eye contact, simplifying my conversations etc. but to what extent have I handled the other aspects such as in terms of ensuring I do not capture the opposite gender's fatal attraction on i.e. my intellectualism, mannerism even my eccentricities?

Therefore, whenever I catch myself in that spot, I will attempt to dispose myself from its grip by executing my inexhaustible list of avoidance techniques, namely by making a quick escape to the lavatory or any other place for that matter, fiddle with my cell, doodle or look elsewhere. I have even gone to the extent of limiting my correspondences particularly when men shoot statements that send me straight to paranoia land. i.e. "I just call you so I can hear your sweet voice." or "How's my cute and witty little girl doing?"

Some girls would adore such statements. Especially when it comes from good-looking, good-natured men. The kind of man who supposedly has the prospects to be a good husband. In my case, I freak out when I hear such statements.

Maybe because I'm just weird like that.
3.09pm Malaysian Time

Sunday, July 10, 2011

. : Parsimonious imprints :.

Embody the trail.

Of late the recitation, rumination and reflection of the verses from the Holy Qur'an have become overwhelming to the soul, by where the luminary pearls kept within the secluded chambers in the heart at certain times cease the ability to be contained. The only way to release is by imploring and offering supplications to Allah, while
letting fractions of it escape every now and then.

Speaks of the feeling I had throughout the momentous epic journey; the Hajj where I prayed to Allah to ensure this feeling never goes away because I so fear the thought of returning to the wretched darkness.

Kindling the light beneath the grim.
1.02am Malaysian Time

Monday, July 4, 2011

.: Vanishing memento :.

Luminary resolve.

This coming weekend I will insha'Allah step foot at Taylor's University Lakeside Campus as a student taking the short course "An Epic Journey: An in Depth Analysis of Surah Yusuf" organized by AlKauthar Institute Malaysia.

Being here as a student again affirms one minute detail ...

I miss my students.
4.56pm Malaysian Time