.: Ramadan 2019 :.

Almost there.

The scars that you can't see are the hardest to heal. 

Nao Tomori

Three. Two. One.

11.07am, Malaysian Time 

.: Detaching realities :.

Minesweeper.

Ever felt like with every move you take, you are getting closer to stepping on a mine? One wrong move, and instantly, all your hard work gets blown apart.

Or do you feel that you are only moving closer to your goals? Of finally achieving all you have ever worked for. 

Strike a balance between the two extremes.

Entering February 2018. 

8.19am, Malaysian Time

.: A test :.

Against fear.

She hesitated. 

Despite the nurse asking her to relax, the patient hesitated. 

 "You are 21. So am I. We must be brave. You can do this. I promise it will only hurt a little. Now close your eyes and trust me." 

And the nurse inserted the needle. 

She screamed. 

She cried. 

She was horrified. 

The nurse then said;

"We are done." 

She stopped crying. 

Baffled. 

The nurse repeated her words; 

"We are done. You made it."

Against the odds.

9.36pm, Malaysian Time

.: Great expectations :.

Of the dumbing down society.

Sis :: I saw this good looking guy! But he is around your age!
Me :: Eh? You're not thinking of matchmaking me with him, are you? *sis still has this sick fetish. the nerve.*
Sis :: Hey, remember that other good looking guy?
Me :: What guy?
Sis :: Oh. I forgot. You don't take notice of guys.
Me :: Try working with guys, guys and more guys.
Sis :: Some people have all the luck. How do you remain focused?
Me :: Simple. One of my ways to keep my sanity intact is by deeming all guys are married. Works like magic! :D
Sis :: You are one sick girl.

As a matter of fact my health is presently under siege. Blood test results indicate my blood is infested with bacterias that is making me lethargic to the core. *which explains why I can instantly conk out the instant my head touches the pillow* On the flipside, this means I can slack at home, drink yakult by the gallons to purge those bad bacteria out and catch up on some good 'ole youtubing whenever I regain consciousness.

Not half bad I say.

7.13pm Malaysian Time

.: The task :.

Months flew by.

Being deeply loved by someone give you strength,

while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

-Lao Tzu

Some time ago, my good friend gave me an assignment.

Good Friend :: Hajar, in 2 years time you have to find a boyfriend.
Me :: I’m too lazy. Why don’t we raise the stakes to finding a husband?
Good Friend :: Haha~ Well, if you find someone that you like, let him know. Guys are a little slow to notice. :)
Me :: Too complicated. We'll see how it goes. :P

Will I ace or flunk the assignment? I still have about 1 year and uhh … 4-5 months. Honestly, I am flunking since I’m not doing anything about it. Then again, you never know what Allah S.W.T has in store for us. :)

I did mention that my friend has to find a wife too hence, it has now become a race of who gets married first. :)

开玩笑了!

10.10am Malaysian Time

.: Midsummer night's dream :.

Robin Goodfellow; a dream "past the wit of a man".

Yet mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell:
It fell upon a little western flower,
Before, milk-white, now purple with love's wound,
And maidens call it love-in-idleness.

There I was, sitting in front of the mirror, all alone in the room. Crackles of sheer laughter emancipated from every nook and cranny of the house.

Mum:: It’s time.
Me:: I can’t go through this.
Mum:: What do you mean? You’re already engaged to him, and you can’t possibly bail out in the last minute.
Me :: I just can’t.
Mum :: I don’t understand.
Me :: I’m waiting for someone …
Mum :: LoL~ He’s out there already.
Me :: Not him. Someone else…
Mum :: You can’t be serious… Who is he?
Me :: I don’t know…
Mum :: When will he come?
Me :: I don’t know…
Mum :: Then why are you so sure he’ll come?
Me :: I just know…
Mum :: What if he never comes?
Me :: He will…
Mum :: Be sensible. He might not come at all.
Me :: He will…
Mum :: Why do you think so?
Me :: I know so…
Mum :: What if you wait for him but he never comes? You will regret it.
Me :: Mum, he will come … even if it means I’ll have to wait at the gates of the other world … eventually … he will …

And I woke up.

With eyes half opened, hands scrambling for the spectacles in the pitch darkness, couldn’t find it, muttered garbled nonsense, grabbed the cell, fumbled with it, squinted, saw it was nearly 4am, continued the senseless nonsense and crept back to sleep seconds later. :P

First thing in the morning, I related the dream to my sis, minus out a bulk of the conversation summing that I was firm with mum on the waiting part. Ironically, sis had a similar dream. Difference was, she married the person.

Sis :: You’re such a liar! You’re not waiting for anyone!

Or am I?

Fast forward. My friend said that I’d fallen sick ‘cos I’ve been neglecting my health due to work…

Surely when one is committed to something, one will do its best at it even at the expense of one’s own health … is it not?

In an attempt to deviate from the aforesaid contents, *coughs* it had been almost a month since my body clock automatically wakes itself up at precisely 2am. I have not programmed myself to do so. No matter how early or late I retire to bed, I will wake up at 2am on the dot.

So I concocted this conclusion after contemplating on it …

"How many more nights till you realize that God is giving you the chance to do the voluntary night prayers you had wanted to do so badly? Get on with it already!"

Note :: Some of the context posted are massively layered with obscured meanings. *coughs* Although the head is still spinning a little with mild coughs breaking out once or twice, Alhamdulillah, I am well again. Thanks. :)

Puck.

3.47pm Malaysian Time

.: First lesson :.

In Arabic class.

Sis:: You know, if you had given the class your other names, chances are the others would use it more often in the answers as compared to mine.
Me:: I’m no attention seeker. :P
Sis:: Right. Well, it’s too late for that. The teacher keeps calling you. :P

I presume in Malaysia, Hajar is not a common name as compared to Khadijah. Subsequent classes later, let's see whether I make the cut as the teacher's pet. *coughs*

At home.

Sis:: Dad, the teacher picked on lil sister. He kept calling her name, and she blurs out.
Dad:: :)

Because the teacher had called me to answer a question, I assumed he’d pick someone else. Apparently not. He constantly picked on me. I wasn’t looking at him, I wasn’t having one of my inquisitive looks neither was I not paying attention nor sleeping in class. *sleeping, a tempting act indeed*

1st Task - Introduce the names of our classmates in Arabic. In all, 15 people including the teacher.

Teacher:: Hajar, you!
Me:: starts sputtering in Arabic.
Teacher:: Mumtaz! :)
Sis:: You remembered everyone’s names? *gasping look splashed allover*

2nd Task - Identifying words that sound similar to Malay. Total, 3300 Arabic loan words are present in the Malay language. *as alleged by my teacher. I shall not be held responsible if the facts are far from the truth*

Teacher:: Yes Hajar? Did you find something?
Me:: Yeah. Insan?
Teacher:: Yaban?
Me:: Insan?
Teacher:: Yaban?
Me:: Insan?
Teacher:: Yaban?
Me:: Aih~ Ya ya, yaban. *whatever that means* Have it your way.
Teacher:: Barakallah feek! Haha~ Mumtaz! starts speaking Arabic, laughing like it’s the biggest joke he ever heard. I still don’t get it.

The number of times he said mumtaz each time I answer his questions. The word has practically embedded itself in my head. Anyone can tell me what it means? I'm too lazy to google it up or go through my books. The spelling is based on my acute sense of hearing, as like all the other Arabic words he used so I may get it wrong. *you have been warned* In case anyone is wondering, my teacher is Egyptian.

Considering this is my first time being in a class with my sis, after catching a glimpse of my notes, answers, behavior, observation etc. she has only one thing to say about me …

My little sister, the ultimate geek.

9.46am Malaysian Time

.: Who you're gonna call? :.

1st Muharram.

In most places here, it's a public holiday. Doesn't apply to me and my sis though. I took the day off while sis went to work. In night time, her office building can pass off as the Ghostbusters firehouse hq.

"We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!"

Dr. Peter Venkman

Who can forget the slime ball, Slimer? :)

1st Scene - In front of my sister's office building.

Sis :: There's a couple of foreigners. Go and help them.
Me :: One of the joys of being a foreigner is getting lost. *I was lazy*

2nd Scene - On the phone with my friend who's trying to get me to swing by her apartment only to have her hopes mercilessly ruined by me. *I was still lazy*

Malaysian hubby to Malaysian wifey :: I think she's Arab. *he was pointing at me, how rude*

All I said to my friend was "Ya lah". In Malaysian terms, Ya means Yes. Lah is the suffix that accentuates the meaning. Guess they interpreted it as "Yallah".

3rd Scene - At KL Sentral and there was a an Indian couple. *instincts say they're from India* It was like a scene from The Amazing Race. Indian hubby scrutinized the Malaysian public transport map, with Indian wifey frantically looking for signboards. Felt a pang of guilt from the 1st Scene. Wifey went MIA so I approached the hubby.

Me :: Hi, you need any help?
Indian hubby :: Yeah. Do you work for the train?
Me :: *eh?* Nope.
Indian hubby :: Great! How do I get to Subang Jaya?

Me :: Take the KTM. Tell the ticket guy you need 2 tickets to Subang and go down to the platform. Both ways lead to the same platform.

Indian hubby :: Thank you! *Indian wifey suddenly appears.*

*there was no catfight. I made myself scarce immediately after that.*

4th Scene - Home. Sis had a bad day so I thought, why not share my day with her to loosen her up?

Me :: So that's it.
Sis :: You Paki lover you!
Me :: What has that got to do with what I just told you?
Sis :: Isn't it obvious? You look like a Paki!
Me :: That is so not true. I wasn't wearing the shayla.
Sis :: If only I know how to communicate with my brother, I'd ask him to find one for you.
Me :: *to self, Alhamdulillah. that explains why Allah S.W.T only allow me to comprehend his 'cute' English.* He had. He brought his brother to see me, didn't he? And his mum did ask about me.
Sis :: Isn't he a bit too young? Have to get him to find you someone else.
Me :: Look, if you're so bent into this whole thing, I might just end up with one and you'll have a Paki brother-in-law.
Sis :: I hope I do. Especially if he's as nice as my brother. Go find one.
Me :: Right. It's not rocket science, is it? * a sentence her Paki boss loves to use. these days, I use it to churn a chuckle from her*
Sis :: See! You are a Paki lover!

Glad that she wasn't as uptight about her work anymore.

The things I'd do.

9.28am Malaysian Time

.: Intriguing theory :.

It's proven.

Perhaps my friends are right when they say I think too much. Second day at my new place and my colleague already pointed out that he thinks I think a lot. *it can't be that obvious, right? it has only been 2 days!* I can practically hear my sister hollering "Geek, supreme geek and mother of all geeks!". *so I amplified it, at most she'll just say geek, geek and geek.* Not that I have any qualms particularly since, erm ... better not mention else I'll never hear the end of it.

To my sister :: "You owe me. Big time. A treat should suffice." :)

Knocking off from work. :)

5.32pm Malaysian Time

.: Over the moon :.

Life is a bliss.

At long last, I have received my precious connection! *whoopie! starts throwing confetti everywhere* Alhamdulillah. For the whole week, I had to endure the agonizing anguish of using a thy that shall not be mentioned sickeningly sluggish connection. *no more! no more!* The atrociousness is unspeakably sinister. *and my blog is supposed to be child friendly ... coughs* All that's left now is to find the time to savour it.

Thank you Lee!!!

"... I shall jump over the Moon for Joy!"

Charles Molloy's The Coquet, or, The English Chevalier, 1718

Hey diddle diddle?

2.44pm Malaysian Time

.: Ayat-ayat cinta :.

Verses of love.

An Indonesian Islamic romance novel by Habiburrahman El Shirazy. Read 7 chapters of it. So I wasn't patient enough, cheated and skipped over to the last page. Wrong move. The ending almost made me in tears and I have yet to read the other chapters. Perhaps my sister was right ... I have a soft heart. *coughs*

----- :: To my sister :: -----

No. I have not gone mad. Remembered the look on your face when I purchased the novel. Priceless. Although I am fully aware that you have the e-book, I much prefer to acquire the physical version even when the cover is distasteful to my liking. *it's the color* Afterwards, you asked why on earth did I buy it, and I never really responded besides saying that it piqued my interest. Tip - keep on guessing. :)

----- :: To my friends :: -----

No. I have not fallen in love. Wipe that smirk off your face. All of you jolly well know that I'm married to my work.

Self note:: Thank God none of you are aware of my blog. XD

The movie rendition of the novel will be shown this Sunday. Reviews from critics state that it's not as good. Having a high-imagination, I doubt it'll be up to my expectations.

Back at work.

12.01 noon Malaysian Time

.: Acrophobia :.

Look out below.

Rummaged through my folders and found this shot of Subang Jaya taken in May. I don't normally come here and I doubt I'll be coming again anytime sooner.

A random post.

9.51pm Malaysian Time

.: Blood + :.

Irony.

Back from JB (Johor Bahru). Can't blog much. Still have a slight taste of blood in my mouth and a major migraine. Owh, and my MC was extended. *and i'm checking my work mail instead of resting ... ?*

I work too much.

12.54noon Malaysian Time

.: Painful :.

The one word.

Describing my visit to the dentist.

• Did the surgery.
• Removed the wisdom teeth.
• I cried.

4 hours later... I am still bleeding & dangerously hungry. *can't eat... I can't even swallow my mum's congee... NOOO!!!*

This is NIGHTMARE!

10.40pm Malaysian Time

.: Billboards :.

Finally, I can read without my glasses.

One Utama shot.

I was on my way back from One World Hotel and snapped it during a traffic congestion. Figured that I haven't been featuring any photos in the last few entries. One of the many shopping malls that I rarely frequent to. *I'm a frugal. That should explain it.* I find the following statement to be astonishingly false. *perhaps it's because I don't spend*

"One quarter of what you buy will turn out to be mistakes." - Delia Ephron

Now I'm just being cute.

5.28pm Malaysian Time

.: Heading south :.

To home.

Mum, dad ... I'm coming home and this time around, I'm doing the visiting. Friends ... after my 3rd year, most of my childhood friends stopped asking when I'm coming back. I don't blame them. Now then, how long has it been? 5 years? *cries of "ungrateful brute" echoes in the background*

Irregardless, I am proud to be a southerner. ^^

True blue southerner.

4.16pm Malaysian Time

.: Dreary sunday :.

Writer's block.

I'm leaving ... on a jet plane ...

A new-fangled fad? Not exactly. After a hectic and arduous day yesterday, I anticipated a day of complete chilling out and ultimate idleness. Much to my dismay, the kick only lasted for 2 hours. ~Gya...!!! Clearly, I am still engulfed in weariness.

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It is so much easier to walk away from a hurtful past than to confront the issues,. But we cannot remove the past from our hearts - it is there to stay. And the only hope for true peace with the past is to face it at its worst, to seek to forgive, to be forgiven, to make amends and to be reconciled.

Stephen Arterburn

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Time for a siesta... pronto!

3.35pm Malaysian Time