Desired memories.
Our room faced the lake at Taylor's University College Lakeside campus in Petaling Jaya. There was just enough space for me to sit at the window of our room at Ruemz hotel, the perfect place for me to browse through my AlMaghrib class notes. Once in a while I will glance over at the sisters and join in the conversations, speaking as though we have known each other for ages when in actual fact, it was just the week before we became acquainted to one another.
It was that very week, in the afternoon, when one of the sisters came up to me and said;
I know we are supposed to do this solely for the sake of Allah, for the sake of our Lord, but I cannot help but feel that after we try so hard to assist the people as much as we can, we just end up feeling unappreciated. How do I overcome this feeling?
I smiled at her and responded with;
What we have to go through, is nothing as compared to what the Prophet had to go through. How did the Prophet feel when he tried so hard to give them the truth, yet they chose to hurt him instead? What did he do to overcome that? Remember our purpose. We are here to sincerely assist people, and by doing so, we hope to have our deeds recognised and accepted by Allah, Allah alone and not by someone else. Keep that in mind. :)
Soon after, I gave her a hug and we resumed our designated tasks. Later in the evening, the same sister came up to me saying she needed to tell me something. She hesitated for a while, tried to utter a few words, stuttered something somewhere in the middle, and I was still there, waiting anxiously for her to get it off her system. When it eventually came out, it just made the wait all the more worthwhile.
I love you for the sake of Allah sis. I really really do. May Allah reward you for helping me out earlier. :)
Despite being tremendously tired and weary after a long day at Taylor's, her words, and her hug gave me the last bit of strength to say;
I love you for the sake of Allah too sis. If you ever catch me having one of those low moments, please remind me too. :)
我想念她们。
9.45pm Malaysian Time
The actual reality.
When I was working in the education industry;
We often listen to the words being spoken, yet we interpret those words in its literal context based on our pre-defined personal opinions, which may at times be judgmental, tenacious views. In that process we eventually fail to grasp what people are trying to convey.
Thus, before we stop people in their tracks, give a thought on the underlying issues that made people utter such words. Listen to their behaviours. Listen to their facial expressions and body gestures. Listen to the things they conceal or have difficulties in voicing out. Listen not solely by using your ears, but include your mind and your heart to it. Strive to listen to the words which are not being uttered. Strive to empathize. Only then, speak.
Going home soon. :)
5.26pm Malaysian Time
Scattered interference.
Brother :: Why are you learning Mandarin from the language centre? Are we not Chinese enough? You can learn from us. As a bonus, we will throw in Cantonese and Hakka lessons. We may even throw in Hokkien lessons if you behave.
There has been a change of priorities, and since I haven't been able to commit myself to learning Mandarin from the language centre, I have decided to halt my studies there. Ties made aren't easily broken. I will definitely miss my classmates, and the staff, but we came to a consensus that we will make it a point to meet up elsewhere for tea-drinking and bonding sessions.
Presently I suppose it is back to self-study for me and possibly learning from my Chinese-educated brothers and sisters.
Sister :: Let her get used to the Cantonese and Hokkien sounds. Later on it will come naturally for her.
Should I be scared?
4.17pm Malaysian Time
The memories of various dimensions.
Aunt :: We need to buy lemongrass, ginger, chillies, etc for Eid.
Mum :: We have those. My husband harvested them from the house. :)
Ever since mum retired, dad heightened his passion for sustainable living. At our home in Seremban, he grows bananas, papayas, mangoes, chilies, lemongrass, ginger, potatoes, yam, curry, lime, guava, etc. due to an excess of land in our residential space. He even harvests honey from the beehives at the roof. Dad takes a lot of pride in his harvests therefore occasionally he will trade with the neighbours i.e. our chillies for their beans. Mum chips in by distributing to family and the people around.
On another note, my big brother and his wife are drawing plans to breed fish and rear chickens and ducks. The advantage they have is bigger land and the land is located at the outskirts of town. This enabled them to venture into livestock and other forms of vegetation i.e. chillies and pineapples. My brother and his wife have plans to sell the produce, while at the same time, they are also doing this to ensure we have our supplies from reliable sources.
Mum :: Your dad comes in with a bucket of sweet potatoes. His haul of the day. He was clearly exhausted but he looked really happy. And there I was thinking what can I do with a bucket of sweet potatoes? I eventually made chips. We don't buy vegetables anymore. On certain days your brother sends fish over. This was how I lived in the past. Everything that we ate came from our land. There is a greater sense of appreciation and contentment.
Whenever I'm home in Seremban, my dad will tell me to be wary of the bees and the monkeys whereas whenever I'm at my brother and sis-in-law's land, they will tell me to be wary of the hogs.
Going to those homes on 16th Sept.
10.31am Malaysian Time
The weightless carrier.
As we draw closer to the end of Ramadhan, one ascertains that the journey to self purification is akin to walking down a timeless trail. Where come what may, one has to keep going down that path till one reaches the end of the line. Even then, when the essence of life has left its physical self, the journey does not end. It continues through the fragments in the lives it has touched, through the many deeds one has done in this lifetime.
Grasping the finer nuances.
3.45pm Malaysian Time
Memory retrieved.
She is a sister who I recently came to know. A sister who in our first meeting camouflages her innermost feelings with smiles and laughter. Where under those very circumstances, she still managed to gather enough strength to lay her utmost belief in the will of God, in total reliance of God's plans for her and her family.
~
I was driving when my thoughts fleeted to her. Deep in thought of how I would have dealt with the situation if I was placed in her shoes. Moments later my tears began to fall a drop at a time. This is insanity. I have only met her once, so how is it possible for me to have such intense empathetic feelings towards her?
Soon enough the text reached my cell inbox. It was a short text. but it was enough to make me shed tears. By a mere stroke of coincidences, the sky too began to shed its tears of sorrow and there I was, in the car, stuck in the traffic at Jalan Ampang, crying as how I had cried when I received the text from my mum several years ago when she said my dad suffered a mild heart attack on flight and had to be warded in the intensive care in Singapore.
Through this sister I may had seen the strength that my mum had on that very day. Of how my mum told us to stay in Seremban, to continue celebrating Eid, and when dad becomes better, she will bring him to celebrate with us.
Dad :: Your mum is a strong person. But if something were to happen to me, even when she tries to act all tough, all I see is her vulnerable side. That is when you and your siblings must take charge. Help her find the strength to truly deal and accept the consequences.
My parents are still in Seremban now. However, ever since then, each time Eid approaches I will remember that text from my mum, and of how I begged my family to allow me to rush to my parents that very night.
As for the sister, I pray that she will be able to overcome this hardship.
Halfway through Ramadhan.
9.31pm Malaysian Time
