.: 美麗的神話 .:

The beautiful myth.

夢中人熟悉的臉孔　你是我守候的溫柔

就算淚水淹沒天地　我不會放手

每一刻孤獨的承受　只因我曾許下承諾

你我之間熟悉的感動　愛就要甦醒


萬世滄桑唯有愛是　永遠的神話

潮起潮落始終不悔　真愛的相約

幾番苦痛的糾纏多　少黑夜掙扎

緊握雙手讓我和你　再也不離分


枕上雪冰封的愛戀　真心相擁才能融解

風中搖曳爐上的火　不滅亦不休

等待花開春去春又來　無情歲月笑我癡狂

心如鋼鐵任世界荒蕪　思念永相隨


悲歡歲月唯有愛是　永遠的神話

誰都沒有遺忘古老　古老的誓言

你的淚水化為漫天　飛舞的彩蝶

愛是翼下之風兩心　相隨自在飛

A memory that is still intact although it has been more than 15 years...

The familiar face in my dreams, is the tenderness that I await...

Even though tears flood the skies and earth, I will never let go...

Every moment passes in loneliness, because I have made a promise...

To my good friend ::

You may not realize the impact those several minutes had on me. The fact that you said I am still a little girl, at least for that day can be nothing more further than the truth, and I had laughed it off in spite of it. Remembering the past, and brooding over it ... I preached that life has to go on, yet after all those years, this is by far the only memory that I have yet to let go and dare I admit, that the little girl you saw is in actual truth, fragments of the memory that I am still holding on to. The memory that I am forced to find again, during my moments of woe ... the memory that I didn't have a choice, and was the prime factor for causing it ... of me ... 15 years ago ... when the smiles, laughs and joys were directly taken away from me ... in which the little girl in me chose to remain still in time. There can be no words to explicitly describe it, nevertheless, I thank you so much for brightening my day, and always being there for me although we are miles apart.

____________________ ~ ____________________

I guess, no matter what, this little girl will always be a little girl.

你是我心中唯一美麗的神話.

8.43am Malaysian Time

.: Masjid Abdul Rahman Bin Auf :.

Jalan Puchong.

With the exception of Fridays, this beloved mosque is where I go to perform my Zuhr prayers as well as implore to Allah S.W.T when things get a little too heavy for me. A place to reflect the life I am graciously provided with, and be gratified with it. The women's area is separated using removable partitions at the back of the mosque, and the ablution area is extremely spacious with curtains to separate the chambers.

Sekolah Agama Al-Ihsan [Al-Ihsan Religious School] :: This Islamic religious school is situated adjacent to the mosque. On my way back, give or take a quarter to 2pm, the students aged 7 - 12 will begin to gather at the entrance or inside the mosque's compounds before proceeding to the school. They like to run around the compounds, playing hide-and-seek with one another. A great deal of all this reminded me of my time years ago, back in the south.

Memories flooding in.

9.00am Malaysian Time

.: You are it :.

Tagged by Ash Mazelan.

Bold the statements that are true to you. Italicize the statements that you wish were true. Leave the fibs alone. Then, tag 5 people to do the same test.

• I'm 170cm tall.
  
• I don't know what I want at the moment.
• I'm not happy.
• I hate my friends.
• I hate my life.
• I hate my grades.
• I can drive. [only automatic]
  
• I'm bored of driving. [thankful for the efficient public transportation!]
  
• I have a white handbag.
• I love dancing. [traditional dances]
  
• I go clubbing every week.
• Shopping is bullshit. [frugality issues]
  
• I have a tattoo of a star.
• I got my navel pierced.
• I have friends that take drugs. [medicine is a drug]
  
• 90% of my friends smoke. [this might be true, but out of respect they do not smoke in front of me.]
  
• I still hang out with my ex, even though our break up was nasty.
• I'm studying fashion.
• I have a business running.
• I hate cartoons.
  
• I hate someone.
• I have 10 Lollipop handbags. [what's a lollipop handbag?]
  
• I buy CLEO every month.
  
• My parents don't know about my blog.
• I have an iPod. [I prefer to eat my apple]
  
• I don't have faith in the current "one". [eh]
  
• My schoolmates know about my blog.
• I wanted to be a fashion designer.
• I love emo rock bands.
• I hate it when people cancel last minute meet ups.
• I'm a rebel.
• I don't believe in love.
• High school's filled with drama.
• My parents have faith in me.
  
• I've bought shoes this month.
• A blogger bitched about me before.
• I hate sports.
• I heart Italian food.
• I hate meeting new people.
• I hate nail polish. [only had it once and I hate it for life]
  
• The mother bear gives me hugs.
• People should start appreciating me.
• High school was the worst time of my life.
• I have red hair. [this would be interesting]
  
• One Utama is my second home.
• I'm a guy. [this would be interesting too]
  
• I'm scared of my Biology exam which I'm going to face tomorrow.
• I hate vacations.
• I believe in long distance relationships.
  
• I'm going to get high and smoke weed soon.
• I've robbed an old lady.
• I'm starting to like applying make-up.
• I was a tomboy.
  
• At times I think I still am a tomboy.
• I love bitching about people behind their backs.
  
• I still have a best friend. [...]
  
• I have a cat.
  
• I hate surprise parties. [In reality, I do not exhibit exemplary 'surprise' traits ... I'll have a blur look, say "Ohh ..." and that's it]
  
• I hate planning parties.
• I'm hot.
• I'm a sinner. [aren't we all?]
  
• I've got a DS light.
• I have a Wii.
• I can live without music.
• Video games are a waste of time.
  
• I miss the father bear.
• I love being in love. [ ... coughs ... ]
  
• I know how to cook. [I love food]
  
• I have 100% freedom. [but I clip my own wings]
  
• Boys are assholes.
  
• I hate Math. [not when it comes to governing my finances]
  
• I'm happy with what I have. [Alhamdulillah. :)]
  
• I love horror films. [care to recommend some good ones?]
  
• I slept in my parents' room for 3 days after watching Scream when I was a kid. [I actually laughed at Scream ... psychotic behavior?]
  
• My old friends keep in touch with me. [Hail technology advances!]
  
• I don't read newspapers.
• The news is such a waste of time.
• Blogging is a waste of time.
• I hate animals.
• I can't live without make-up.
• I curse like a pirate.
• I'm happy with my 11 year old car.
• I hate people that are smart.
• I love Orange juice.
• I can't drink for nuts.
• I believe that everyone in their teens have lost their virginity.
• I've got a new phone.
• I'm going to get a new pair of shoes by the end of this month.
• I love swimming. [I can't even float or do a wimpy dog paddle!]
  
• I haven't worked out since March. [make it forever]
  
• I think I'm fat. [seems like only my face is becoming rounder]
  
• I love my friends and family. [:D]

Tagging anyone that reads this. :)

_________________________________________

I broke away from my gaming addiction 4 years ago. The only console I still have is Gameboy Micro. Work made me put a halt in this area, along with my anime and manga dependence. Mum, upon knowing this drastic surety gave the impression of exceptional delight. The beauty is, afterward, I start to see and appreciate the little things that I had failed to notice beforehand. Like taking casual strolls, speaking to a neighbor, listening to the jibber jabbers from the birds, chasing the pesky squirrels, or having breakfast.

On the final point, I intend to reword it as "I love my family and friends"; in order of importance. Family here is not restricted to blood ties. If I say 'You will always have a family in me', that radical statement brings tremendous weight. One that will ultimately change my course in life, if need to be. And as weird as it may sound, I have a ranking system on how far I will go for someone.

The beginning of another great day.

10.30am Malaysian time

.: Fifth lesson :.

Done a test.

New Teacher:: What is your name?
Me:: Hajar.
New Teacher:: Hajar? *scribbles my name in Arabic at the whiteboard* Hajar?
Me:: Yeah. *does he have a problem with my name?* My name is Hajar.
New Teacher:: It is Haajar. :)
Me:: Haajar. :)
New Teacher:: *:) starts explaining to the class* Haajar is a very very old Egyptian name...

Since kindergarten, I had grasped the idea that people are bound to mispronounce my name. I’ll introduce myself as Haajar, but they’ll end up with Hajar, Aja, Ja, and to cut this short, they just never call me Haajar. I figured that it must have been agonizing for these people; therefore I localized my name to suit their pronunciation to plain ole Hajar.

Took just about 19 years of my life till an outsider eventually got it right whereby the only ones that made justice to it are my Middle Eastern friends. As on that day, I wasn’t focused on my Arabic class, I had somehow rather neglected the fact that my new teacher is a Middle Easterner. I only snapped out of my trance when he accentuated the “Haa”. Nevertheless, the blame can’t be placed entirely on me as he sporadically slips in Malay words in the lessons; resulting to the off track moments.

My previous teacher *the one that picked on me, and still does when he has the time* is now occupied with the level-2 students, so the new teacher stands-in. If I associate my previous teacher as Santa Claus, sis dubs the new teacher as the BFG [Big Friendly Giant]. *coughs ... what are the likelihoods eh? coughs*

He is extremely particular in pronunciation.

New Teacher:: Quiet brothers. Let the sister speak. :)
Me:: --- Uttered an Arabic word.
New Teacher:: No no no. You need to put your tongue out.
Me:: I did.
New Teacher:: You did? But I don’t see it. :)
Me:: I did. *awkward, awkward moments*
New Teacher:: Ok ok. Then say it again. :)
Me:: --- Arabic word, take 2.
New Teacher:: Try to do this. *starts making a hissing sound*
Me:: --- Did a pathetic attempt at it. Sounded like an intersection of an asthmatic attack, and a pup whimpering for mercy. One of the gags of the day for the class.
New Teacher:: LoL~ No no. You have to put your tongue out, leave a little space to allow the wind to come out between your tongue and your teeth. :)
Me:: I did. I can’t do it. *more of, I won’t do it, but why risk an argument or explanation?*
Sis:: Put your tongue out.
Me:: I can’t. :(
New Teacher:: Ok ok. You’ll practice at home ok.:)

Couple of hours after reaching home.

Sis:: Mum, little sister refused to stick her tongue out when the new teacher wanted her to pronounce the words.
Me:: I did! The tip of my tongue was out.
Sis:: You have to stick it out more. Like this! I stuck out my tongue when he asked me.
Me:: That is just rude. Mum always say we’re not supposed to stick out our tongues. It is disrespectful and he’s a teacher. Even if the culture permits it or the language requires it … I will not condone it in the presence of people. Period.
Mum:: :)

Dang! I miss Santa.

10.55am Malaysian Time

.: Fair-weather voyage :.

One or two moons ago.

The lady motioned to the man, only to be further ignored by him. She will not accept such ignorance. She called out to him. The man turned around, and faced her. She felt relieved. As she was about to say something, the man turned his back to her and proceeded into the lift, shutting the doors as she was coming right at him. The lady was devastated, till …

It was getting too depressing that I just had to step into the drama.

To cut to the chase, the lady came with her family. Her husband held the Malaysia public transportation map, took a wrong turn and landed himself at the interstate platform. Lady asked the man; the train officer for directions to the intercity rail. As the story unfolds, he left her without uttering a word.

In an effort to salvage whatever Malaysian grace, pride or dignity left, that was where I came in. I had time therefore I offered to guide her and her family, to which she declined because her husband has the map. Understandably, I gave her a rough guide and bade farewell the moment I caught sight of her husband. *a lost man that refuses to admit he’s lost may be agitated on the slightest obvious living thing*

Call it fate; we bumped into each other again. The lady called out to me and said thanks. Her husband was still focused on the map. Perhaps it’s a Venus thing. I sensed they were still lost, so I pointed her to the correct direction. On the other hand, she pointed at her husband, shook her head, threw up her arms and heaved a big sigh.

I smiled, shrugged my shoulders, waved and walked away.

Better to be lost than to ask for directions, eh?

5.21pm Malaysian Time

.: Trail of mystification:.

When things became sidetracked …

This morning, as I was walking to work, I looked up to the sky, bewildered at its vastness … figured how little I am … it was then I questioned myself … a question that I had wanted to ask for months ... cringed at the thought alone ... did I make the right choice?

Or should I make another one to make it right again?

Am I moving too fast?

Is the challenge I sought for becoming unbearable?

Should the mind pay more attention to what the heart is saying all along?

Doing the impossible … Thinking of the impossible ... Believing in the impossible ...

Where has all the positive elements gone to?

Am I losing my confidence, my drive, my aim, my principles?

That was when God sent a guy to cut pass me with these words on the back of his t-shirt …

Anything is possible.

“As long as you have faith in Him” whispers the mind and the heart in unison …

12.18noon Malaysian Time

.: Sinking indulgence :.

A sweet deal.

Family gatherings are a norm in my present household, it being held no less than every fortnight. Occasionally when I am aware of possible assemblies and I happen to be outside, it is likely for me to purchase food for the kids. The choice rely on where I was at the moment; ranging from chocolates to pastries; stuff that kids and adults *coughs* would die for.

Little cousin:: Ooohhh~ You bought doughnuts with the icings, cute little deco and stuff!
Me:: LoL~ It’s just doughtnuts.
Little cousin:: But these are the expensive doughtnuts! Oooohhh~!

Dunkin Donuts never strike to me as expensive. In contrast, J.Co, Big Apple and Krispy Kreme doughnuts are a tad bit pricier, but I consider it as reasonably priced. These little kids, whom are barely 7 thinks differently.

Things which I perceived as affordable are in fact a luxury to them. Quite a number of my belongings have been under the kids’ spotlight since the first day they set their eyes on it and the two things they can never get enough of is my computer and digital camera. With eyes literally transfixed on the computer screen, spell bounded by the screen saver and utterly enthralled by the images they captured with the camera; how is it possible for me to refuse them to savor this ounce of luxury?

Recently, they went through our larder, spotting containers filled with pasta and packages scrawled in foreign language, went totally ballistic with the ‘Ooohhhss’ and ‘Aaahhhss’ expressions before ending it with “You eat expensive food!”. The words may be words of curiosity, innocence, or sheer envy; whichever it is, by some means had provided me a realization to keep both of my feet on the ground, to be appreciative with what I am fortunately blessed with and to share it with the ones that need it more than I do.

Little cousin:: She’s back! Did you buy something for us?
Me:: Are you here to see me or to get something from me?
Little cousin:: To see you!
Me:: Good to hear that. :) I’m sorry cos’ I didn’t get you guys something.
Little cousin:: It’s alright! Seeing you is more than enough. :)

There are lessons that we can learn from kids. As a matter of fact, I’ve gathered that those lessons seen from their perspective are pure, untainted, and genuine. A world where they can be anything they want to be, and truly believe they will be.

Just got my Daruma card.

12.47 noon, Malaysian Time