After spending hours of drowning myself in countless articles, it eventually felt as if my entire life essence was sucked into the computer screen. In the brink of losing into that lifeless stage, I blasted some high-energy teen boppy pop songs to get the rhythm back into my system. A short interim to the washroom and a few sips of plain water, I switched to Qur'an recitals and resumed my work. *bubble gum songs can do wicked things to a person of my age. coughs*
... ~ ...
Sis :: The family thought you're going to become some ultra-pious person after we returned from Hajj.
Me :: Just because I dumped my biographies and comics?
Sis :: That and a few other things, but they're alright now.
I can't deny that certain changes had taken place since then, and honestly speaking, the transitional changes are still going on, Alhamdulillah. Furthermore, I am not so gung-ho as to take the deep plunge instantly. Doing things one step at a time, towards the betterment of oneself Insha'Allah.
One clear example is before Hajj I succumbed to the "need-to-fit-in" excuse. Although my non-Muslim friends never treated me any different, I didn't like being the odd one out with the hijab. So whenever we went for holidays together, my hijab went on a holiday too. After Hajj, I still led that kind of life thus I positioned myself as a give and take 355/365 days hijabi; approximately 10 days self-imposed holiday.
The turning point happened several days after I came home from China, when a friend IM-ed me;
Friend :: I don't understand how you are able to find the strength to deal and accept things. The only conclusion I have is it must be your faith towards your religion.
Me :: If my faith is that strong, why am I insecure with my hijab?
Since then, I made it a point to wear my hijab regardless of how "out of place" I felt. I also try hard to stop folding and rolling up my sleeves *bad habit*, observing my behavior and constantly reminding myself that I am working with men. *on most days, I'm often the only female species around* Even if I don't see them as men *to make things easier at work*, they are still men; to be all the more specific non-mahram men.
Reaching the first 365/365.
12.18noon Malaysian Time