Thursday, April 9, 2009

.: Portrait of a marriage :.

The life of two.

Quite a number of Muslim brothers had this as their status updates;

Earlier I said it is easy to find a job and hard to find a wife but now both are hard due to Global financial crises!

Alternatively, in the real world, I’m surrounded by workaholics thus our conversations are more or less centered on work whereas sister blogs are more inclined to discuss on marriage issues. Tonnes of posts elsewhere discussed on mahr, dower, bride price, marriage ceremonies etc. Lisa’s entry; Islam's Perfect Wife Maintenance: Make Your Own Money And Marry Someone Funny sets the gears running, and I took it upon myself to extract the gist out of it coupled with paltry additions.

Wife maintenance; the wife is supported by her husband on what is required from him.

“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis”

Al-Baqarah 2:233

The focal point then was, does the exact practice suit our present situation?

Before I make my elongated entry, this is not a personal experience as I am not married to anyone besides my job *this is besides the point, but I agree on her title*. Furthermore, I won’t be sharing my opinions much as I will only be repeating myself. *figured it doesn’t hurt for people to go-over Lisa’s insightful entry and READ*

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been reading remarks from sisters on their viewpoints. Brothers almost never post about this, except on the mahr. I suppose they’re preoccupied with piling their stash for a ridiculously imposed rate, and the whole idea of wife maintenance falling snugly on their shoulders, backs, and wherever that is appropriate *it comes as a package deal*.

If I were to see this from a solid ground perspective *coughs*, Malaysian mahr rate is not fixed; usually below 100. *unless you're referring to the princesses that can fetch up to 2.5k* It’s the “wang hantaran”; bride price/extra monies that cause the heartburn. Of course typically one has to include the engagement, the ceremony, yadaa yadaa yadaa coming close to 50k, if you’re lucky. *not inclusive of honeymoon, pre-bachelor/bachelorette party yadaa yadaa and more yadaa blah* A cousin that used to work in a bank disclosed that the majority sought personal loans for marriage. Not kidding.

Stuff that real world friends and relations had on marriage …

  1. Get married to someone who’s near. The nearer, the better. You cut down on lots of stuff.
  2. Find someone rich. Make it bloody rich.
  3. A foreigner is fine as long as he has the 2nd criteria. A twofold bonus if the exchange rate is higher.

While the only thing I see in common here is, $, has it really overtaken our lives? Years ago when my brother got married, mum envisioned the weddings of her daughters. I believe her heart skipped a heartbeat when I said I’ll have nothing of the sorts, strictly adhering on what I think is necessary and that I shall have no qualms in slashing the preventable expenditures myself, shredding to its bare essentials despite husband-to-be is filthy stinking rich, idolizes me to the max, and willingly showering all his wealth upon me. *Frugal, frugal behavior* Seems like henceforth I’ll withdraw from mentioning anything on myself, as this is far from being a “Confessions of a Frugal Series Episode 1” or “I am up for grabs” blog entry.

Reverting back to reality, one of the discussions I had with friends was, how low were they willing to go for their “wang hantaran”? *I was bored* The lowest I could haggle was 5k. *haggling … is an art that I am clueless in* If there are any decent single brothers that are in search of an appropriate candidate and agreeable to fork out 5k, I can suggest a couple of decent sisters that fit the bill. To the decent sisters, you may try sending in your applications to this brother here. *coughs*

Note:: The link above is obviously an April Fool’s Day prank, but hey, it’s an innovation really. *I did not apply* By the way, no promises that my matchmaking prowess will lead to a happy ending.

Weddings these days have certainly become over the top. Outdoing one another, overdoing it with the glitz, processions, performances [ghazals, kompang *small drum*, dancing, traditional martial arts etc.], decorations, dee jays, dedications, even karaoke sessions … akin to attending a parade…

Reiterating the statement I left at Lisa’s blog…

I’d much rather choose someone that chases after Jannah than a chunk of metal.

Metal gets rusty over time.
9.49am Malaysian Time
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