.: Journey of faith :.

Hajj confession.

To be honest, I believe we were brought back, or given a second chance purely by the mercy of Allah. We were born in Islam, yet we didn't have Islam. We have the knowledge, we have the practical, but we do not have the spiritual awakening, we do not have wisdom, we do not have the understanding. That is what most born Muslims face. Faith cannot be inherited. It must be cultivated.

Has there ever been a day where the mist disappears even for a split second? Swathed by the wretched pitch darkness of the past, one eventually finds the pleasant momentary bliss that felt as though it could last for all eternity. Thus the once lost traveler embarks on a journey of struggles, to continue living, and holding firmly onto His rope with each passing breath, hoping that He will keep her steadfast in the deen till her very last breath. During times like these, it is so much easier to let the tears fall from the sky, and to be entirely engulfed by it.

Faith cultivation is a lifelong process.

2.52pm Malaysian Time

.: Corn muffins :.

'tis the season to be jolly.

In conjunction with the X'mas season, Kenny Roger's is running the "Making Wishes Come True" programme, where they have these little cards with a child's' name together with his/her wish hung on a X'mas tree.

Running something similar next year insha'Allah.

12.13 noon Malaysian Time

.: Weightless passage :.

I was in Singapore.

As I haven't gone through the checkpoint in years, I had forgotten this tiny fact that I can no longer breeze through Singapore customs. So there I was, waiting and texting friends telling them I will be fashionably late due to the fantastic morning crawl. I suppose that was what my classmates had to endure 17 years ago when we crossed national borders in the early mornings for school. With a map (in the bag) and my mum's ezlink pass, just as I was about to get on the bus heading Kranji MRT, mum, gave a call;

"Are you in Singapore yet? Call us if there is anything! Call us!!!"

Mum did the exact thing when I was in China.

"Are you in China yet? Call us if there is anything! Call us!!!"

That wasn't the only thing. I spent a huge bulk of my time going places with friends in China, and mum knowing this, specifically said;

"Stick with your friends. Don't stray away!"

True enough, mum said the same thing too while I was in Singapore. After all those years, I figured it was quite cute of mum to worry about me even though I am certainly no longer that little girl who was once upon a time petrified of her own shadow. So I tried to console mum over the phone, as how I often did whenever mum starts questioning who I'm with and where I'm at. And mum, being mum, probed further when it came to the juicy bits (under her definition).

"Who's the guy? Do I know him? What is his number? Are you sure he is a good person? Is he there? Can I speak to him? Do you need your father to speak to him?"

Mum, and her cute antics.

2.40pm Malaysian Time

.: Faded darkness :.

The food cart.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.

Plato

Whenever she sees me loitering around the vicinity, she will call out to me to come over. Once she is done with attending to her customers, she will then kindly ask me about my well being. Sometimes she gives me food, sometimes she gives me money. She never lets me leave with nothing in hand.

All along I thought that I have nowhere to go to, that I have no one, that I have nothing and I am nothing. Her gesture made me feel that I can do something, that I should do something, and that I can be something.

-----

Two weeks passed since then.

2.04am Malaysian Time

.: Ipomoea aquatica :.

The water spinach.

Of all the wonderful things in the wonderful universe of God, nothing seems to me more surprising than the planting of a seed in the blank earth and the result thereof.

Julie Moir Messervy

With each passing day, one discovers utmost joy in patiently and tirelessly monitoring the progress of these little things, that sprout from a few tiny little seeds.

Gardening, I suppose, will be a form of alternative therapy for me.

Day 4 for the kangkung. :)

8.00pm Malaysian Time

.: Great expectations :.

Of the dumbing down society.

Sis :: I saw this good looking guy! But he is around your age!
Me :: Eh? You're not thinking of matchmaking me with him, are you? *sis still has this sick fetish. the nerve.*
Sis :: Hey, remember that other good looking guy?
Me :: What guy?
Sis :: Oh. I forgot. You don't take notice of guys.
Me :: Try working with guys, guys and more guys.
Sis :: Some people have all the luck. How do you remain focused?
Me :: Simple. One of my ways to keep my sanity intact is by deeming all guys are married. Works like magic! :D
Sis :: You are one sick girl.

As a matter of fact my health is presently under siege. Blood test results indicate my blood is infested with bacterias that is making me lethargic to the core. *which explains why I can instantly conk out the instant my head touches the pillow* On the flipside, this means I can slack at home, drink yakult by the gallons to purge those bad bacteria out and catch up on some good 'ole youtubing whenever I regain consciousness.

Not half bad I say.

7.13pm Malaysian Time

.: 想要的回忆 :.

Desired memories.

Our room faced the lake at Taylor's University College Lakeside campus in Petaling Jaya. There was just enough space for me to sit at the window of our room at Ruemz hotel, the perfect place for me to browse through my AlMaghrib class notes. Once in a while I will glance over at the sisters and join in the conversations, speaking as though we have known each other for ages when in actual fact, it was just the week before we became acquainted to one another.

It was that very week, in the afternoon, when one of the sisters came up to me and said;

I know we are supposed to do this solely for the sake of Allah, for the sake of our Lord, but I cannot help but feel that after we try so hard to assist the people as much as we can, we just end up feeling unappreciated. How do I overcome this feeling?

I smiled at her and responded with;

What we have to go through, is nothing as compared to what the Prophet had to go through. How did the Prophet feel when he tried so hard to give them the truth, yet they chose to hurt him instead? What did he do to overcome that? Remember our purpose. We are here to sincerely assist people, and by doing so, we hope to have our deeds recognised and accepted by Allah, Allah alone and not by someone else. Keep that in mind. :)

Soon after, I gave her a hug and we resumed our designated tasks. Later in the evening, the same sister came up to me saying she needed to tell me something. She hesitated for a while, tried to utter a few words, stuttered something somewhere in the middle, and I was still there, waiting anxiously for her to get it off her system. When it eventually came out, it just made the wait all the more worthwhile.

I love you for the sake of Allah sis. I really really do. May Allah reward you for helping me out earlier. :)

Despite being tremendously tired and weary after a long day at Taylor's, her words, and her hug gave me the last bit of strength to say;

I love you for the sake of Allah too sis. If you ever catch me having one of those low moments, please remind me too. :)

我想念她们。

9.45pm Malaysian Time

.: Masjid At-Taqwa :.

Taman Tun Dr. Ismail (TTDI).




A quick look at my feeds and I noticed that I haven't been posting any new post under the "Mosque" label. Thus I dug through my image files and found some of these. These images were taken in Ramadhan, where a handful of friends and I decided to have our iftar at TTDI, and while waiting for them, I decided to perform my Asr prayers here.

In the middle picture there were a group of boys learning the recitation of the noble Quran. As I didn't want to bother them in their studies, I took the picture from another angle and made sure I didn't have any flash on. I like how the mosque incorporates natural lighting, the maze-like walkways and the building nearby with the bookstore, zakat office, mini-canteen, etc.

PS :: The image in the "Crypting Passages" post is the walkway towards the women's ablution area.

Still feeling unwell.

2.08pm Malaysian Time

.: Disintegrated presence :.

The actual reality.


When I was working in the education industry;

We often listen to the words being spoken, yet we interpret those words in its literal context based on our pre-defined personal opinions, which may at times be judgmental, tenacious views. In that process we eventually fail to grasp what people are trying to convey.

Thus, before we stop people in their tracks, give a thought on the underlying issues that made people utter such words. Listen to their behaviours. Listen to their facial expressions and body gestures. Listen to the things they conceal or have difficulties in voicing out. Listen not solely by using your ears, but include your mind and your heart to it. Strive to listen to the words which are not being uttered. Strive to empathize. Only then, speak.

Going home soon. :)

5.26pm Malaysian Time

.: Manifested adaptation :.

Scattered interference.

Brother :: Why are you learning Mandarin from the language centre? Are we not Chinese enough? You can learn from us. As a bonus, we will throw in Cantonese and Hakka lessons. We may even throw in Hokkien lessons if you behave.

There has been a change of priorities, and since I haven't been able to commit myself to learning Mandarin from the language centre, I have decided to halt my studies there. Ties made aren't easily broken. I will definitely miss my classmates, and the staff, but we came to a consensus that we will make it a point to meet up elsewhere for tea-drinking and bonding sessions.

Presently I suppose it is back to self-study for me and possibly learning from my Chinese-educated brothers and sisters.

Sister :: Let her get used to the Cantonese and Hokkien sounds. Later on it will come naturally for her.

Should I be scared?

4.17pm Malaysian Time

.: Sealed instinct :.

The memories of various dimensions.

Aunt :: We need to buy lemongrass, ginger, chillies, etc for Eid.
Mum :: We have those. My husband harvested them from the house. :)

Ever since mum retired, dad heightened his passion for sustainable living. At our home in Seremban, he grows bananas, papayas, mangoes, chilies, lemongrass, ginger, potatoes, yam, curry, lime, guava, etc. due to an excess of land in our residential space. He even harvests honey from the beehives at the roof. Dad takes a lot of pride in his harvests therefore occasionally he will trade with the neighbours i.e. our chillies for their beans. Mum chips in by distributing to family and the people around.

On another note, my big brother and his wife are drawing plans to breed fish and rear chickens and ducks. The advantage they have is bigger land and the land is located at the outskirts of town. This enabled them to venture into livestock and other forms of vegetation i.e. chillies and pineapples. My brother and his wife have plans to sell the produce, while at the same time, they are also doing this to ensure we have our supplies from reliable sources.

Mum :: Your dad comes in with a bucket of sweet potatoes. His haul of the day. He was clearly exhausted but he looked really happy. And there I was thinking what can I do with a bucket of sweet potatoes? I eventually made chips. We don't buy vegetables anymore. On certain days your brother sends fish over. This was how I lived in the past. Everything that we ate came from our land. There is a greater sense of appreciation and contentment.

Whenever I'm home in Seremban, my dad will tell me to be wary of the bees and the monkeys whereas whenever I'm at my brother and sis-in-law's land, they will tell me to be wary of the hogs.

Going to those homes on 16th Sept.

10.31am Malaysian Time

.: Crypting passages :.

The weightless carrier.

As we draw closer to the end of Ramadhan, one ascertains that the journey to self purification is akin to walking down a timeless trail. Where come what may, one has to keep going down that path till one reaches the end of the line. Even then, when the essence of life has left its physical self, the journey does not end. It continues through the fragments in the lives it has touched, through the many deeds one has done in this lifetime.

Grasping the finer nuances.

3.45pm Malaysian Time

.: Gathering of fates :.

Memory retrieved.

She is a sister who I recently came to know. A sister who in our first meeting camouflages her innermost feelings with smiles and laughter. Where under those very circumstances, she still managed to gather enough strength to lay her utmost belief in the will of God, in total reliance of God's plans for her and her family.

~

I was driving when my thoughts fleeted to her. Deep in thought of how I would have dealt with the situation if I was placed in her shoes. Moments later my tears began to fall a drop at a time. This is insanity. I have only met her once, so how is it possible for me to have such intense empathetic feelings towards her?

Soon enough the text reached my cell inbox. It was a short text. but it was enough to make me shed tears. By a mere stroke of coincidences, the sky too began to shed its tears of sorrow and there I was, in the car, stuck in the traffic at Jalan Ampang, crying as how I had cried when I received the text from my mum several years ago when she said my dad suffered a mild heart attack on flight and had to be warded in the intensive care in Singapore.

Through this sister I may had seen the strength that my mum had on that very day. Of how my mum told us to stay in Seremban, to continue celebrating Eid, and when dad becomes better, she will bring him to celebrate with us.

Dad :: Your mum is a strong person. But if something were to happen to me, even when she tries to act all tough, all I see is her vulnerable side. That is when you and your siblings must take charge. Help her find the strength to truly deal and accept the consequences.

My parents are still in Seremban now. However, ever since then, each time Eid approaches I will remember that text from my mum, and of how I begged my family to allow me to rush to my parents that very night.

As for the sister, I pray that she will be able to overcome this hardship.

Halfway through Ramadhan.

9.31pm Malaysian Time

.: Miraculous revelation :.

Of a heart that believes.

Working in a non-Muslim environment often led people to believe there is little room left for compassion towards religious tolerance, let alone religious acceptance. Despite being in one, I supposed I am one of the blessed ones to be granted the right to carry out my religious obligations without any form of oppression or restrictions.

Taking the example of Ramadhan, I am allowed to return home at 4.30pm just so I can beat the traffic and reach home in time to break fast with my family. As the sole Muslim I try to refrain from gaining special privileges over my non-Muslim colleagues, therefore I negotiated with my management on earlier hours and continuing my work at home.

The biggest consolation however, is when I have non-Muslim colleagues and peers voicing their eagerness to fast. Their reasons vary from absolute fascination on how a seemingly feeble being; in reference to myself can withstand hours without food and drinks, a mere daring attempt to challenge their capability or vulnerability, to the most basic which is purely out of respect towards the month of Ramadhan itself.

Most of them do not consider their actions to be of any worth. Such was the case back in my student days when non-Muslim campus mates flicker at the idea of fasting and joining in the lavish unbecoming pigging out sessions. The fact that they kept to fasting all day made all the difference to me.

On other occasions, no matter how frequent I reiterated I am fine with them eating in my presence, they simply refused to do so and some even go to the extent of requesting their friends to restrain from doing anything which may invalidate my fasts.

To experience this once again is akin to strolling down the bygone lane. To the time where religious differences are celebrated and not used as a mean to create disparity and disharmony within the community.

Second week of Ramadhan.

12.52noon Malaysian Time

.: Faraway beginning :.

Determined individuals.


Friends from Raleigh will organize a project and the monthly meet with the Orang Asal/Asli settlement. As much as I want to be there and partake in the activities, I am afraid the possibilities are nil as I already made plans to spend some quality family time at home. Nevertheless, I am sharing it here in case anyone would like to get out there and join these inspiring Raleighians for some fun, laughter and a worthwhile experience. :)

___________________________________________________

... Hands On Orang Asal Project ...

Date :: 7th August 2011

Time :: 8.00am – 6.30pm

Gathering point :: Gombak LRT Station

Register :: https://spreadsheets1.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?hl=en_US&formkey=dDF6TnlQSlFkc0pMSHUyc0Y2dFUwYnc6MQ#gid=0

RSVP :: 5th August 2011

Abstract :: Lending a hand to the Gombak Orang Asal community by building small bamboo huts to promote eco-tourism activities in the area. All proceeds will go to a single mother (the owner of the land) to subsidize the schooling costs of her children.

You will have the opportunity to learn ::

• How to build a bamboo hut
• How to weave the atap (roof)
• Other traditional Orang Asal building techniques

___________________________________________________

... August Monthly Meet ...

Date :: 13th August 2011

Time :: 8.00am – 1.00pm

Gathering point :: Gombak LRT Station

Fees :: RM5 for members and RM8 for non-members.

Location :: Orang Asal Waterfall Village, Gombak

Register :: https://spreadsheets.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?hl=en_US&formkey=dFpCR3Rob3VxXzJQTWdHU3V6TVdJX2c6MQ&ifq

RSVP :: 11th August 2011

Abstract :: The Orang Asal are the indigenous people of Malaysia. Although development has overwhelmed the City of Kuala Lumpur over the last two decades, there still lives a small communal group of Orang Asal in the laid back hills of Gombak. The schedule includes cleaning the waterfall, Raleigh EGM [Extra Ordinary General Meeting], speech by Orang Asal, swimming and lunch.

If you have any queries, please drop them an email at info@raleighinternational.org.my or call 012-3386908. Alternatively, you may also contact me and I will direct you to the person(s)-in-charge.

Community outreach.

4.13pm Malaysian Time

.: رمضان في ماليزيا :.

Ramadhan in Malaysia.

"Warped spectre"; taken during the excursion at the Orang Asli settlement.

The blessed month of Ramadhan has finally arrived. May all of us be granted the opportunity to taste its sweetness and achieve a higher degree of understanding relating to our faith.

As like the previous years, I plan to organize another round of Eid cards mail-away. The rules have not changed and I intend to make this a yearly event at least till the day I decide to stop blogging permanently. Yes. That day will eventually come. :)

The Rules ::

It doesn't matter whether you are a girl, guy, k-12, teenager, Muslim, Christian, student, worker, Asian, Westerner, Malaysian, American or from other parts of the world etc. Anyone can request for an Eid card from me. As long as I can mail it to you I will insha'Allah mail it out.

The Method ::

If you would like to receive an Eid card this Ramadhan, kindly send your name, home and email address to hajar.alwi@gmail.com or you may leave it in the comments section by August 15th 2011. Rest assured that I will not publish your information and the confidentiality will be well guarded.

Truth be told, one does not have to be a Muslim to celebrate Eid. Eid is a joyous occasion, thus it needs to be shared with people from all walks of life, faiths and beliefs. In this regard, I suppose this may be considered as a way for me to share the many joys of Eid, while another aspect is for me to express my gratitude towards my readers as well as in hope of bringing the relationship into a whole new level. :)

Have a blessed Ramadhan everyone!

3.12pm Malaysian Time

.: Indelible speech :.

Resolution to live.

Self-Adopted Big Brother:: As a brother, I would like to advise you on a few things. You are too soft-spoken. Speaking to you is as if I'm speaking to my girlfriend, or my wife. I am not saying it is a bad thing, however I am worried for you. I am worried that other men might take it the other way, and you would not be able to fend yourself. It is not your nature but you have to be more firm. Cut your conversations short and always be vigilant of your conversations. If you sense there is an inclination towards the negative, immediately divert that focus away. Guard yourself at all times.

As a Muslimah, it takes a lot for me to ensure I behave within the Islamic code of ethics and speech when it comes to having discourses with the opposite gender. Double the effort since day in day out I typically deal with men.

Nevertheless, while strictly keeping in tune to the topic of discussion and evading sidetracked moments, undeniably there had been instances where I ponder upon whether I had done anything that could have tipped over the line. I may have been victorious in reducing eye contact, simplifying my conversations etc. but to what extent have I handled the other aspects such as in terms of ensuring I do not capture the opposite gender's fatal attraction on i.e. my intellectualism, mannerism even my eccentricities?

Therefore, whenever I catch myself in that spot, I will attempt to dispose myself from its grip by executing my inexhaustible list of avoidance techniques, namely by making a quick escape to the lavatory or any other place for that matter, fiddle with my cell, doodle or look elsewhere. I have even gone to the extent of limiting my correspondences particularly when men shoot statements that send me straight to paranoia land. i.e. "I just call you so I can hear your sweet voice." or "How's my cute and witty little girl doing?"

Some girls would adore such statements. Especially when it comes from good-looking, good-natured men. The kind of man who supposedly has the prospects to be a good husband. In my case, I freak out when I hear such statements.

Maybe because I'm just weird like that.

3.09pm Malaysian Time

. : Parsimonious imprints :.

Embody the trail.

Of late the recitation, rumination and reflection of the verses from the Holy Qur'an have become overwhelming to the soul, by where the luminary pearls kept within the secluded chambers in the heart at certain times cease the ability to be contained. The only way to release is by imploring and offering supplications to Allah, while letting fractions of it escape every now and then.

Speaks of the feeling I had throughout the momentous epic journey; the Hajj where I prayed to Allah to ensure this feeling never goes away because I so fear the thought of returning to the wretched darkness.

Kindling the light beneath the grim.

1.02am Malaysian Time

.: Vanishing memento :.

Luminary resolve.


This coming weekend I will insha'Allah step foot at Taylor's University Lakeside Campus as a student taking the short course "An Epic Journey: An in Depth Analysis of Surah Yusuf" organized by AlKauthar Institute Malaysia.


Being here as a student again affirms one minute detail ...

I miss my students.

4.56pm Malaysian Time

.: 说再见 :.

再见不会是永远。

听了你的问题，我不知道怎么说呢。因为我觉得你没那么年轻。现在你二十三岁。已经长大了。

我想问你；你认识他多就了？你们对彼此有感觉吗？你已经知道他还想念他的以前的女朋友，所以你为什么还想他呢？听我说，如果他不能爱上你，你可以等他吗？就算你可以等他，你不觉得你浪费时间吗？为了他，必要让自己煎熬吗？

"有缘无份的爱，真是有缘无份的爱"，你可以接受这种说法吗?

我明白现在你特别爱他，但是你应该好好想一想，是不是有可能你和他有点不合适? 我的意思是，请别盲目的爱他。问别人他们有什么想法对他。因为别人可以发现他是认真还是不认真。

还有，你去北京因为你要找更好的生活，对不对？你不是剩女，所以现在爱情不是最重要的事。你应该好好找一个好工作。努力工作，然后我相信你可以找到更好的男人。

最后是，我们都有一条生活。希望你给自己时间考虑这两件事。不要拿自己的幸福开玩笑吧~

The last essay I submitted to my teacher.

Note: Please use Google Translator or drop me an email for translations.

Collectively it had been close to 10 months since I began re-learning Chinese. There were days where I dreaded the thought of going to class, and there were days where I felt as though I am drifting aimlessly. Even though at times I behaved like a whiny baby in class, my teacher and classmates kept cheering me on. Supporting me all the way to excel to a point far beyond imaginable expectations.

Last Friday was my teacher's last day in Malaysia. His return to Beijing also marks the completion of our level 5 class, on which we will move on to level 6 or advanced classes with another teacher.

Despite having said this one too many times, I can't help but to say this once more ...

Thank you 刘老师.

2.17pm Malaysian Time

.: Mirrored convergance :.

Circumventing the hems.

Mum :: Some people think the duties of a mother end by the time the child reaches puberty, began working or has gotten married. Little do they know that the duties of a mother only end when she is nearing to her last breath because to a mother, her child will always be, a child.

Me :: And some people think that the duties of a child end by the time the child has gotten married. Little do they know that the duties of a child only end when she is nearing to her last breath because to a child, she will always be, someone's child. :)

My parents will insha'Allah leave for Saudi Arabia to conduct their umrah this 23rd June. Mum, as always, is worried of dad's health whereas dad, as always, is complacent of mum and her worries of his health.

Mum :: Speak to your dad. Remind him that he shouldn't wander off on his own or with strangers.

Dad :: Your mum is at it again ...

They are still here ...

But I am starting to miss them already.

9.54pm Malaysian Time

.: Little arcadia :.

Linked worlds.

"Shout to the world! Because we care for the children!"

The words of a friend

With the sun shinning high above our heads, we braced ourselves and hiked through what seemed like a never-ending timeless trail to the unknown. Completely surrounded by the wilderness; the majestic trees, flowing rivers and challenging path didn't deter us from going further into the forest. We were there on a quest, and we shall carry out that quest even if it means letting every single bloodsucker suck out every single drop of blood we had in us.

Little girl :: I don't want to learn English. It is difficult.

Me :: How about we do some simple word plays? I'll tell you a funny story based on this picture but I will mix the story with some English words. After I'm done, I will ask the items in English and you have to point it to me. After that, I will start asking the items in Malay and you have to point it to me and say it in English. I think that's fairly easy. :)

Several moments later.

Little girl :: That was fun! Can we do that with other pictures too? Tell me another story!

Some people have a wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder, and even ecstasy.

Abraham H. Maslow

The journey may had been wearisome to some of us city folks. However, the extensive amount of warmth, laughter and smiles from these little angels certainly made it worth all the while. Wherein within this little settlement which is appropriately tucked away from the hustles and bustles that city life has to offer, we made time and shared with them the basics of secular knowledge.

In return, these little angels with their inborn sense of wonder and pure innocence showed us the path to rediscover what it means to live a life filled with simplicity, meaning and gratitude to the brim. The very essence which enabled us to rejuvenate our entire lifeless souls to once again experience life in utter bliss, joy, excitement and mystery in a myriad of unimaginable ways.

Photo Credit :: Third photo courtesy of Lacoste Jay.

Unending yesterday.

1.02pm Malaysian Time

.: Book keepers :.

Advocating literacy.

Our Little Book Keepers

Initiated by Raleigh KL, the prime objectives for this project is to promote literacy among the children from the rural villages in Sabah as well as to create public awareness pertaining to their welfare.

Therefore, Raleigh KL aim to gather and send more than 211 books to children aged between 4 to 12 years old by 1st October 2011. The books; in English or Malay can be hand-me-downs (good condition) or new ones and the content should not consist of anything negative or relating to religion, death, illness, politics, divorce etc.

For more info, please visit their FB links:

1. FB Event
2. FB Page

Or you may email me directly. Whichever is more convenient. :)

。。。 ~ 。。。

Reading I supposed was one of the first forms of unrestricted indulgence I ever had, whereby my childhood centered around the works of Roald Dahl, Enid Blyton, R.L. Stine, The Bookworm Club, fables and yes, those happily ever after fairy tales. It didn't take long for me to develop the excessive compulsive behavior of collecting every single book in the series or by the author and stashing it at every possible nook and cranny at home. Fortunately for me, I have an awesome family and they didn't mind one bit.

However, sometimes my mum and aunt will harp on me because my books are often scattered everywhere. I have it on my bed, in my bag, on my computer table, in the car, on my printer, in the living room, even on the bedroom floor! So every week I have to allocate some time just to sort and place them back on the shelves, in the drawers or if I can't find space, I'll seal them in boxes and store it in the storeroom. Just one of the nasty habits I have yet to overcome. Not that I'm planning to overcome it any sooner. :)

Hence, the moment I heard about this project, I went ballistic. For someone who has her nose stuck in books throughout most of her lifetime, I hope the children will enjoy the books as much as I did as I have the opinion that besides promoting literacy and instilling the love of reading, what we are really doing is to let them know that there are people out there who truly cares for them and their well-being.

For now the only gift we can offer is the gift of reading, but this gift comes with knowledge and may that knowledge open the paths for them to have a better future, insha'Allah. [God willing]

Grassroots level.

12.51 noon Malaysian Time

.: Beyond imperfections :.

Lexical muse.

Do you remember this incident that happened when you were barely 6 years old? You were terribly upset with me over something, and in your uncontrollable state, you went as far as saying I'm a bad father and you never want to see me again. Not knowing what to do with you, I locked you out of the house.

The moment I shut the door, you started crying incessantly. After seeing you undergo what seemed like a torturous ordeal and hearing you relentlessly and earnestly say, "please and sorry", it mellowed my temper. I eventually opened the door and let you in. Even when I was consoling you, asking you to stop crying and saying that I've forgiven you, you just kept on apologizing to me until you fell asleep out of exhaustion.

Do you remember what I told you after that?

There are three words you can never use too much. Those words are Please, Sorry and Thank you. However, as quick as you were to realize your error, always remember that whatever that comes out from you is like releasing an arrow from the bow. Once released, you can't take it back. So please be careful with your choice of words.

My dad.

These days I often hear kids using vulgar words as if it's an ingrained vocab in their daily speech, whereby more often than not, they have no inkling of what those words mean. Doesn't help when their surroundings don't hinder, but it fact encourage them to use those words, often on the pretext that it's beyond anyone's control. Such practices are detrimental to society. Do we really want to breed a generation of potty mouths?

Along came the skeptics.

1.53pm Malaysian Time

.: Compounded stillness :.

Universiti Putra Malaysia mosque.

A public university located in Serdang.

There's just something captivating about praying in the mosque. Maybe it has something to do with the spirit of camaraderie one gets by knowing that someone else is praying alongside, or maybe it has something to do with the tranquil feeling one gets in seeing others praying, reciting the Qur'an or supplicating to Allah.

Seeing all that, has in some ways reinforce the belief in Islam and the ummah, as well as provide the much needed encouragement to constantly strive to become a better Muslim, or in my case, a better practicing Muslimah.

Overridden priorities.

10.57am Malaysian Time

.: 散場的擁抱 :.

The last embrace.

Consumed by the unbearable amount of moodiness antagonizing me recently, I voiced my melancholic sorrows to my dearest big sister from Guangzhou, China. Having met her more than 2 years ago, the brief encounter led to a blossoming friendship and sisterhood. As though it wasn't that long ago when she came to my hotel room, immediately embraced me and gave words of comfort as I tried so hard to push back the tears from streaming down. She soon became the one and only confidante who knows the extensive amount of a memory I've been carrying and still carrying for the last 17 years as well as a recent memory; the very reason that sparked our relationship.

As we walked along the streets of Guangzhou with the clock just striking half past 9pm;

Will you come to China again?

Four seasons went by;

The renovations for my new apartment will complete soon. You can stay with me. :)

Yesterday;

Thank you for trusting me little sister. Lead a happy life! :)

Materializing Shanghai 2012.

12.19 afternoon Malaysia Time

.: Rising sun :.

Japan.

Image taken from Art of Aurangzeb.

I just read a story about a 9 year-old boy in Sendai. He was at the end of a queue for food and a police saw him with just shorts and tshirt on, came by and gave him his jacket and his food and said: " i think the food may run out before your turn. so it's mine. have it". the boy said thank you and suddenly went directly to the table where they were delivering food and put the biscuits there and said to the police: "there are people who need it more than me. it should be fair for everyone". His father, who drove to school in the attempt to pick up his son after the earthquake, was killed by the tsunami. his mom and sister also died as their house was on the beach. i am just speechless right now...

Comment excerpt taken from The Daily Mail.

Although I'm deeply saddened and disturbed by the calamities which befell the boy, I am profoundly overwhelmed by his ability to remain selfless and thoughtful throughout the whole ordeal, whereby at a tender age of 9, his maturity has surpassed how certain adults would have reacted to the situation.

Prayers and thoughts to the people in Japan.

8.42pm Malaysian Time

.: Vague discomfort :.

Shabby peasant.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.

Came across these insightful verses while I was reading Sis Najeeba's blog. Sis Najeeba obtained these from here. Many thanks for sharing. :)

。。。~ 。。。

Nearly 2 months since I became demotivated on a number of things. Life has become much busier, however I highly doubt it has anything to do with it as I clearly enjoy the seemingly hectic transition. Yet regardless of which path I take, the de-motivation persists. Frankly speaking, I haven't been studying at all and my mind keeps drifting over to a distant place. As I sit on this chair staring at the computer screen, I begin to question myself ...

Have I reached the end of the line?
Is it time for me to end this journey?

Sinking into 冯骥才。

11.38am Malaysian Time

.: Decapitated Freedom :.

Inaccessible.

Several of my dearest sisters and their families are residing in Egypt. Ever since the internet disruption, our communication has become almost entirely dead.

Even so, Alhamdulillah, praise the Lord. Due to the communication they establish with family members overseas, their family members are able to update us from time to time regarding their current situation. To know they are fine, and safe brings immense relief to me.

I sincerely hope and pray that things there will become better soon.

Praying for them.

2.06pm Malaysian Time

.: 总是熟视无睹 :.

When ignorance is a bliss.

The piggy back ride in Maher Zain's Insha'Allah MV made me remember something which I've forgotten for a very long time.

~

Whenever dad prays, I will quietly watch him from a distance. One day dad asked whether I wanted to pray with him. I didn't know what praying was. All I knew was he was reciting things in a language I couldn't understand.

Me :: I can't. I don't know what you read when you're praying.
Dad :: You don't have to read anything. Just follow me. That is good enough. :)

Dad spread a prayer mat next to his and began praying. I tried to follow his movements, and when I couldn't see clearly, I will edge closer to him to the point that I was almost touching him. I was still a child; a highly inquisitive child for that matter.

That night mum reprimanded me. Dad overheard and he spoke calmly to mum in their room. Although it happened a long time ago, and I knew I wasn't supposed to listen to their conversation, I briefly heard dad saying;

I asked her to pray with me. If anybody needs reprimanding, it is me. Reprimand me for doing my duty as a dad who is trying to guide his daughter towards God.

My parents are home. :)

10.14am Malaysian Time

.: Quiver me not :.

Shelling it out.

Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.

Franz Kafka

One at a time.

4.52pm Malaysian Time

.: Wilted views :.

Weightless thoughts.

Last Saturday, a group of friends and I went to Ipoh to attend a gathering. It was my first time attending and I didn't know what to expect. Even while I was in the car sandwiched in between 2 breathtakingly beautiful ladies, I was still in a clueless state. It was only when everybody had broken the ice that I managed to grasp the gist of our gathering.

Usually I am very cautious and selective when participating in any gatherings with an Islamic theme. But I still took my chances on this one. :)

Alhamdulillah the gathering went quite well. As a born muslimah who had once upon a time taken Islam for granted, I guess I can never get tired of listening to revert stories of any kind. I'm sure everybody has a revert story of their own, and every story has a significant impact and wisdom. I won't blog much as many others have blogged about it.

Please click on the links:

• Life of a Reverted Muslim - Malaysia Reverted Muslim Gathering @ Ipoh 8 Jan 2011
• Another Chinese Muallaf - Reviews on Malaysia Reverted Muslim Gathering @ Ipoh 8 Jan 2011

All I have to say is we may have had our differences, however through a healthy change of views I believe one can learn to reflect and better oneself. A short reminder when the going gets tough:

Regardless of the situation, keep an open mind. Couple that with sincere, relentless efforts. Also pray and beseech to our Lord for his guidance, strength and protection. Constantly remember He is with us at all times and that He shall provide what He decides is best for us based on His terms. Lastly, believe that things shall eventually fall into place. Insha'Allah. :)

On that day every individual may come as strangers, but at the end of the day we went back as brothers and sisters.

Alhamdulillah. :)

9.12pm Malaysian Time

.: Cascading frames :.

Marking the end of hibernation mode.

Kindly accept my apologies for the sudden disappearance. After taking a month-long hiatus to focus more on my offline life *yes, I do have a real life ... :)*, I decided to return to the public blogging sphere, and juggle both lives again. It will be a while till I regain my writing muse, hence please do not expect much from me. However I shall attempt to post frequently, Insha'Allah. :)

Have a blessed week everyone!

3.54pm Malaysian Time