Wednesday, December 9, 2009

.: Imminent periphery :.

A struggle. 

There had been times when I debated with myself on the subject of adoption.
  • What goes on a child's mind when he was given away at such a young age?
  • What goes on a child's mind when his biological parents reappear and try to claim their rights over him? 
  • What goes on a child's mind when he has to make the choice between his adoptive parents or his biological parents? 
Meanwhile, the subject of inter-racial, inter-religion, inter-country adoption raises another subject, and by knowing a handful of people who are either adopted or adoptive parents, made me mull over this time and time again. 

When one is engaged in a court battle against the biological parent, wherein both sides are placing their foot firmly on the ground, what are the concealed turmoils felt by both parents? 

"He wants to be with us."

May God be with you. 
9.56pm Malaysian Time


Yoli said...

My dear friend, I think many people misunderstand adoption. There is the legal aspect of it which is binding and final. However that legal aspect has to be in place before any decision can be made. Hence that is why you hear so much about disruption. I decided to adopt the hard way, the long way, the permanent way, I chose international adoption, I chose China. China has a one child policy. So they prefer to have a son. The end result is abandoned girls. The only way to adopt a son is if he has a medical condition.

To me, my children's parents did the ultimate sacrifice. They gave up their child so that they could have medical care and another life that they could not give them. All my children have cardiac conditions corrected and are living full lives. Given the nature of where I am adopting from, there is a slim to zero chance that I will ever get to know and meet the children's biological parents. This seemed ideal at the beginning, now as years have passed it is beyond painful. They will grow up and as any human being they will want to seek the face that gave birth to them. It is normal, human nature. I am not threated by it any longer, as a matter of fact I welcome it should that be a possibility. The children will forever me my children legally but they have bio parents that I know must be suffering. It pains my heart that another human being is out there thinking of the fate of her child without knowing what has happened to them. I want to reach out and let them know they are OK, they are happy and thriving, they are loved. I look at their faces and I see three sets of parents worried and anxious and I wish I could take that pain away. My joy came at a great sacrifice and I never forget it--ever. I am grateful to God that they came into my life. You do not know how much love you can feel for another human being until that human being is your child. I work hard every day to be the mother they deserve. I pray every day that the hearts of those parents are eased and that one day, I will meet them.

Jeanne-ming Brantingham said...

It is nice to see you back. I have missed you.

That Yoli....she is a wise and incredible woman. She has the heart of a great warrior.

Hajar Alwi said...

Yoli :: It is extremely uplifting and comforting to read your words. My heart goes all out for your earnestness in ensuring they are well taken care of and they receive a great deal of love from your family. The little ones are really blessed to have you in their lives, and I believe you truly deserved one another. I am waiting anxiously for the day where you will be united with little Paloma. :)

Yes, there is the legal aspect. However, some have chosen to neglect this area.

Jeanne-ming :: And it is nice to feel your presence in the comments section, for I have missed you too. :)

Indeed. In her lies a beautiful soul. :)

Anonymous said...

You have really great taste on catch article titles, even when you are not interested in this topic you push to read it

Hajar Alwi said...

Sometimes people need that little push over the edge ... isn't it amazing how a mere string of words are able to do just that? :)