Sunday, August 15, 2010

.: Veiled tresses :.

Forbidden locks.

After spending hours of drowning myself in countless articles, it eventually felt as if my entire life essence was sucked into the computer screen. In the brink of losing into that lifeless stage, I blasted some high-energy teen boppy pop songs to get the rhythm back into my system. A short interim to the washroom and a few sips of plain water, I switched to Qur'an recitals and resumed my work. *bubble gum songs can do wicked things to a person of my age. coughs*

... ~ ...

Sis :: The family thought you're going to become some ultra-pious person after we returned from Hajj.
Me :: Just because I dumped my biographies and comics?
Sis :: That and a few other things, but they're alright now.

I can't deny that certain changes had taken place since then, and honestly speaking, the transitional changes are still going on, Alhamdulillah. Furthermore, I am not so gung-ho as to take the deep plunge instantly. Doing things one step at a time, towards the betterment of oneself Insha'Allah.

One clear example is before Hajj I succumbed to the "need-to-fit-in" excuse. Although my non-Muslim friends never treated me any different, I didn't like being the odd one out with the hijab. So whenever we went for holidays together, my hijab went on a holiday too. After Hajj, I still led that kind of life thus I positioned myself as a give and take 355/365 days hijabi; approximately 10 days self-imposed holiday.

The turning point happened several days after I came home from China, when a friend IM-ed me;

Friend :: I don't understand how you are able to find the strength to deal and accept things. The only conclusion I have is it must be your faith towards your religion.
Me :: If my faith is that strong, why am I insecure with my hijab?

Since then, I made it a point to wear my hijab regardless of how "out of place" I felt. I also try hard to stop folding and rolling up my sleeves *bad habit*, observing my behavior and constantly reminding myself that I am working with men. *on most days, I'm often the only female species around* Even if I don't see them as men *to make things easier at work*, they are still men; to be all the more specific non-mahram men.

Reaching the first 365/365.
12.18noon Malaysian Time


The Sole Sisters Collective said...

Salam sis,
Firstly, Ramadan Kareem. Second, I love this post because it reads like some of my conversations and thoughts as well. I think there are things we do out of habit, and my issue with hijab come and go as well.

May Allah be merciful to us all and bless our efforts. One day at a time...

Irving said...

A very insightful post :)

Ramadan Mubarak!

Atie said...

Alhamdulillah, sis!

Changes made drastically may not last forever. Nevertheless, we must always seek for betterment and most important of all, for Allah's blessings.You have taken the right steps, one at a time. Congratulations! I am truly happy for you. Take care!

Abu Pokemon said...

May Allah give you more strength to be on the path. On an unrelated note I do have faith in you. I am sure you will continue to wear the hijab even if you become a Goth!

Hijabee said...

Ramadan Mubarak Hajr. I didn't know you had these thoughts that I do share with you. Sometimes I feel very out of place with my hijab lol. I guess being in a non-muslim country, and being always the only hijabi at every outing, gathering, can put a lot of pressure on someone. And for that reason, I do have a love/hate relationship with my hijab but it's getting better. InshaAllah, yours will get better too with time and perseverance :)

Hajar Alwi said...

Sole Sister Salma :: Wa'alaikum'as'salam sis! Ramadhan kareem to you and your loved ones! I'm still trying to break that habit!!!

Insha'Allah sis. Ameen. :)

Irving :: Jazakallahu khairan brother Irving. :)

Ati :: Very true; through my experience that is. Haha~ Alhamdulillah, I constantly seek for His guidance; doing this not for my sake, my mum's or any other person ... it's for the sake of Allah S.W.T. and with that in mind, Insha'Allah the step at a time shall progress in leaps and bounds. Thank you so much sis. Hugs & take care! :)

Abu Pokemon :: Ameen bro! Shedding the country bumpkin appearance to a goth is quite an impossible feat ... that will be the day! :P

Hijabee :: Ramadhan mubarak love! I think this is something a hijabi is bound to feel at some point in life. *I am not ancient ... ! :P* Insha'Allah sis; striving for Jannah! :D

Yoli said...

Ramadan Mubarak!

Be gentle with yourself, change cannot be drastic to last. Do what your heart tells you, in that you will be honoring your faith and yourself.

Jeanne-ming Brantingham said...

I love the way you write.So honest.
My daughter is moving to Malaysia in January.I have an excuse to come visit.

Hajar Alwi said...

Yoli :: Ramadhan mubarak to you too ~! I am doing just that! Thank you so much Yoli ~!

Jeanne-Ming :: O-hey~!!! Alright, I'm really super ecstatic now! Pls let me know when you're coming over~!!! ^^