.: Conflict remains :.

Backtracking.

我不明白 … Do you know the meaning?

Yeah. It means I don’t understand.

I won’t be around to teach you anymore …

…

I won’t be around you like always …

…

But I am with you … always …

我不明白 …

You will … one day …

我不明白! 我不明白! 我不明白!

From that day onwards, an invisible wall encased me. I no longer laugh, smile from the bottom of my heart since I left it back at the school field. In replacement, lies a heart of stone, gradually eroded over the years ...

... and I’ve finally understood.

Thus, begins the journey to rediscover.

7.29pm Malaysian Time

.: The south :.

And I'm back.

No doubt it was a short trip, but it sure felt good to be back in the South and reconnect with just about everything.

I reached the train station around 6am and took the bus back home. Dang! They changed the bus route! It no longer passes the Masjid Sultan Abu Bakar thus my hopes of taking any photos of it and the Straits of Johor? Kapishh!

Mum :: Where’s the cab?
Me :: I took the bus.
Dad :: Told you she will take the bus.

On top of that, my mango tree was chopped off! Nooo~!!! There goes my climbing activity. Moments later, I had a long talk with mum. Dad listened in. They are very compromising of things and I’m glad I made the trip. Soon after, my friend text on our get-together. Spent a couple of hours with her and I spent the night at home going through some old photographs.

The next morning, dad sent me to the train station.

Mum :: Your dad insists on sending his little girl. Entertain him and keep him in sight, will you? I’ll rush there after my class.
Dad :: Aih~ your mum and her worries …

I had a spectacular joyride in the train. It was the last day of school holidays in Malaysia and I guess everyone was making their way home. I was practically surrounded by kids, kids and more kids hyperactively running back and forth! The multiple levels of screams, giggles and cheekiness! Aih~ why didn’t I charge my batteries? Imagine the shots I could have captured!

In short, everything was a blast. ^^

7.17pm Malaysian Time

.: Masjid Sultan Abu Bakar :.

An artwork by itself.

Source from Tourism Johor Darul Ta'zim

Raised high above the hill overlooking the Straits of Johor and Singapore, lies the majestic Masjid Sultan Abu Bakar. It was commissioned by the "Father of Modern Johor", the late Sultan Abu Bakar in 1892 and the construction was completed in 1900. Furthermore, it is one of the oldest and most beautiful mosques in Malaysia.

_________________________________

Slight change of plans. I'm going down South tonight~!!! Back in high school, I used to frequent this mosque with friends.

Yesterday, I contacted my primary school friend telling her I'm coming down and all so perhaps we can finally meet up as we haven't met for 8 long years! Found out that she's having several problems which includes her dad being recently involved in an accident... I didn't know how to react when I heard that, though I told her to hang on, I'll pray for her dad's recovery and we'll talk further when I'm there. Hopefully, my presence will help to alleviate her worries a little. On another note, my dad was not feeling too well either last week, but Alhamdulilah he is doing much much better now.

Happy Juma'ah to everyone!

9.27am Malaysian Time

.: Unconscious houdini :.

Streams of it.

There are times when one can only plan.

There are times when one needs to do what one has set to do.

There are times when in order to find oneself, one has to venture out.

Can they no longer differentiate between true sadness and true happiness?

"My life is a battle." - Voltaire

This is no longer a whimsical fantasy. It has transmogrified into a need, a must have. Without it, one shall risk sinking deeper into losing oneself. Scattered around are the missing fragments. It is one thing to gather it all and piece it back together. It is another thing to hold dearly the ones that are still attached and ensure that it does not break apart into a million tiny pieces.

The journey to find oneself. The journey towards withholding a belief. The journey against all odds.

And the epic battle has begun.

7.55pm Malaysian Time

.: Mimicking houdini :.

The getaway(s).

Not 1, not 2 but 3 getaways~!!!

The first involves me crashing in the countryside to where I worked before. To have loads and loads of fun filled laughter with friends whom I regard as the humongous family I never had. Plus to meet new friends that I came to know after I left. *The miracles of FaceBook*. This will be on June 27th.

The second involves me going further down south to MY BELOVED SOUTHERN HOME!!! I haven't gone back for quite a long time. I miss the dear old mango tree. *is it still there?* I miss having dinners with my parents in the living room. I miss the feeling of being the 'only' and youngest child. I miss my Southern friends. Needless to say, I miss everything there is to love or hate in the South. I am still speculating whether I should go on June 19th or July 10th.

The final getaway is the journey to the north-east. I will keep this under wraps for now at least till I get my tickets Insha'Allah today. ^^ 

All I can say is, Alhamdulillah!

2.19pm Malaysian Time

.: Stops en route :.

Road tripping.

Fulfill your obligations to Allah and you will become the best worshiper or devotee among men. Avoid all the forbidden things that Allah has decreed and you will become the most ascetic of all. Be pleased with what Allah has decreed for you and you will become the richest of all.

'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud; Source: Al-Muhabbihat

One of the musollas located at the rest and service areas [RSA] on our way to the state of Perak Darul Ridzuan from Kuala Lumpur.

Kudos to Plus Expressways Berhad [PEB] for providing adequate and commendable RSAs, Vista points and Lay by-s!

Happy Juma'ah everyone! :)

8.26am Malaysian Time

.: Guilty :.

Inner turmoil.

To be honest with everyone, I haven’t been cooking for close to a month as I couldn’t find the time. So I did manage to make fried rice last week and noodles this week but I won’t call that as cooking because I didn’t involve any passion in it. I cooked because I had to eat something and I refused to order take-outs. It wasn’t because I wanted to create a food masterpiece.

Yesterday, we ordered Mcdonald’s. It made me realize why I preferred to slave away in the kitchen, willingly.

Mcdonald’s tasted like cardboard.

After I forcibly devoured the burger, and had to look the other way when my sister threw my fries in the garbage because I felt like puking just by looking at it, it came to my senses on the kind of things I have been consuming for the last few weeks.

• Have I reached the age whereby fast food joints have now repulsed me?
• How many more fries will end in the garbage bin?
• Don’t people eat good food anymore?
• Don’t people cook anymore?
• Aren’t people concerned in having a healthy diet?

Hence, I am hoping to start anew in my cooking escapades. Decided to take small steps in trying to redevelop a healthy lifestyle and abstain from putting more garbage in me. *besides the fact I miss people telling me how good of a cook I am and can be if I will only spend more time in the kitchen … coughs*

A test of endurance.

5.40am Malaysian Time