.: Elucidation of negligence :.

Lower region.

There are occasions when one chooses to shield others from noticing the very turmoil that goes within. Often, one does it with the perception that such a move would prevent others from unnecessary despair. But sometimes, does doing so means it invalidates the need for others to show even a meager amount of concern? 

Masks after masks, walls upon walls, it has come to the point that outsiders can no longer find their way to penetrate through, or rather, they can no longer find it in themselves to break through it, to peel off the layers to discover what lies beneath the opus of the gatekeeper - a fortified barrier, encasing the self. 

Recurring silence.

11.43am Malaysian Time

.: Indelible impression :.

Of a certain yesterday.

Regular day at work. Armed with my pen and stapled pieces of rough paper, I approached the little boy. Reserved and apprehensive to a certain extent, he mellowed down after I spent a good 2 minutes coaxing him, indicating that I wouldn't take too much of his time. Wedged in between a couple of his 8-year-old cousins, I began the journey to venture down his train of thoughts. 

Halfway through, I begin to wonder, 

Just where does the sheer joy in the simplicity of life disappear to as soon as someone crosses over to adulthood?

And I reflected on the very thing that had bothered me recently. Something that was not out of the ordinary at all, but served as a haunting disturbance that consistently taunted me to probe my thoughts to the other side of the spectrum, with questions left unanswered.

In trying to find a way out, I questioned the 2 most crucial points I hold dearly ...

Where does my sincerity lies?

And can I salvage an ounce of gratitude beneath all the dirt and rubble?

Excessive thinking can at times cause destructive effects. 

Back to basics.

9.36pm Malaysian Time

.: 人需要真理 :.

就像瞎子需要明快的引路人一样。

Humans cannot create from nothingness, humans cannot accomplish anything without holding on to something, humans are not gods.

需要增加更多的知识。

10.42pm Malaysian Time

.: A soluble myth :.

Silence. 

Keeping mum on the many issues that penetrate through the mind. Do not be swayed. Do not be dismayed. For every circumstance, under every situation, there is bound to be a logical explanation. There is substance, despite not having the ability to fully comprehend it. This is the reality. Not all that seems to be, is the real existence of things. 

At times, the mind is even led to place full trust on the vague dream-scape. Entangled in the web. Not knowing where to begin. The search for an ounce of truth. As life goes on, the mind weaves its thoughts. Threading carefully so as to not be shredded by the crimson ripples that exist in the darkened chambers. The tear is there. Being stretched every now and then. A path that is less traveled. Press on.

Press on for dear life. 

5.09pm Malaysian Time

.: Crimson ripples :.

The rain carries fragments … 

It is at moments like these that my thoughts begin to wander off to a distant moment in time … 

~ 

Miss! Girls must not walk in the rain!

~

 Do you have something to cover yourself with?

~ 

And just as I was about to take that first step, to mindlessly take a stroll under the pitter-patter realities, a stranger comes by and says; 

You will get drenched. Let me walk you to your car.

The aspiration of one’s early days.

11.07pm Malaysian Time

.: 故事未完成 :.

The story has not ended.

~

Do you ever have that feeling? As though God is not listening to you?

~

Friend :: That’s a complicated drawing. You should have taken Engineering.

Me :: It’s not that complicated really.  

Friend :: So what’s the story, morning glory?  

Me :: You see the head of a lion with wings. Do the Math. 

Friend:: Feisty, with an angelic side. :)  

Me :: You Engineering lads creep me out.

The message behind the drawing was an illustration of ‘Love’, ‘Fear’ and ‘Hope’ as opposed to ‘Faith’, ‘Love’ and ‘Hope’, from the Bible. I didn’t know about Ibn Qayyim then, and there I was, doodling one of his distinctive quotes.

In my pursuit, in becoming a potential hermit, I eventually came to the following deduction …

With every good that happens to me, with every comforting feeling that sweeps by me, with every situation that comes my way, could these be His way of sending the message across?

A coded mess.

8.45am Malaysian Time

.: Drop of ember :.

Changi Airport.

Cousin 1 :: Look at that grandpa over there. He shouldn't be working at his age!

Cousin 2 :: He has to. Singapore has high living standards.  

On one of my solitary walks, I observed a grandpa hastily picking up the rubbish us civilised people left behind. He had a hunched back, and could possibly be in his late 60s. As I observed him, I noticed the onlookers, comprising bustling youths, taking no notice of him. The ones, who did, chuckled as though he was their limelight of the day.

Morning came and I went on another solitary walk. I was trying to rid the image out of my head, when in less than a jiffy; I stumbled upon an elderly man, with a pile of cardboard boxes. He stood at the corner of the road, scrambling for some balance as he stacked one cardboard after the other. And I stood there, at the side of the curb, utterly helpless.

In all honesty, these impromptu trips to Singapore, have taken a toil to say the least. Of all things that could remotely be possible to bring the spirits down, incidents such as these equate to those watershed moments.

Outside of this ark, all is deluge

9.28pm Malaysian Time