Thursday, April 9, 2009

.: Portrait of a marriage :.

The life of two.

Quite a number of Muslim brothers had this as their status updates;

Earlier I said it is easy to find a job and hard to find a wife but now both are hard due to Global financial crises!

Alternatively, in the real world, I’m surrounded by workaholics thus our conversations are more or less centered on work whereas sister blogs are more inclined to discuss on marriage issues. Tonnes of posts elsewhere discussed on mahr, dower, bride price, marriage ceremonies etc. Lisa’s entry; Islam's Perfect Wife Maintenance: Make Your Own Money And Marry Someone Funny sets the gears running, and I took it upon myself to extract the gist out of it coupled with paltry additions.

Wife maintenance; the wife is supported by her husband on what is required from him.

“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis”

Al-Baqarah 2:233

The focal point then was, does the exact practice suit our present situation?

Before I make my elongated entry, this is not a personal experience as I am not married to anyone besides my job *this is besides the point, but I agree on her title*. Furthermore, I won’t be sharing my opinions much as I will only be repeating myself. *figured it doesn’t hurt for people to go-over Lisa’s insightful entry and READ*

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been reading remarks from sisters on their viewpoints. Brothers almost never post about this, except on the mahr. I suppose they’re preoccupied with piling their stash for a ridiculously imposed rate, and the whole idea of wife maintenance falling snugly on their shoulders, backs, and wherever that is appropriate *it comes as a package deal*.

If I were to see this from a solid ground perspective *coughs*, Malaysian mahr rate is not fixed; usually below 100. *unless you're referring to the princesses that can fetch up to 2.5k* It’s the “wang hantaran”; bride price/extra monies that cause the heartburn. Of course typically one has to include the engagement, the ceremony, yadaa yadaa yadaa coming close to 50k, if you’re lucky. *not inclusive of honeymoon, pre-bachelor/bachelorette party yadaa yadaa and more yadaa blah* A cousin that used to work in a bank disclosed that the majority sought personal loans for marriage. Not kidding.

Stuff that real world friends and relations had on marriage …

  1. Get married to someone who’s near. The nearer, the better. You cut down on lots of stuff.
  2. Find someone rich. Make it bloody rich.
  3. A foreigner is fine as long as he has the 2nd criteria. A twofold bonus if the exchange rate is higher.

While the only thing I see in common here is, $, has it really overtaken our lives? Years ago when my brother got married, mum envisioned the weddings of her daughters. I believe her heart skipped a heartbeat when I said I’ll have nothing of the sorts, strictly adhering on what I think is necessary and that I shall have no qualms in slashing the preventable expenditures myself, shredding to its bare essentials despite husband-to-be is filthy stinking rich, idolizes me to the max, and willingly showering all his wealth upon me. *Frugal, frugal behavior* Seems like henceforth I’ll withdraw from mentioning anything on myself, as this is far from being a “Confessions of a Frugal Series Episode 1” or “I am up for grabs” blog entry.

Reverting back to reality, one of the discussions I had with friends was, how low were they willing to go for their “wang hantaran”? *I was bored* The lowest I could haggle was 5k. *haggling … is an art that I am clueless in* If there are any decent single brothers that are in search of an appropriate candidate and agreeable to fork out 5k, I can suggest a couple of decent sisters that fit the bill. To the decent sisters, you may try sending in your applications to this brother here. *coughs*

Note:: The link above is obviously an April Fool’s Day prank, but hey, it’s an innovation really. *I did not apply* By the way, no promises that my matchmaking prowess will lead to a happy ending.

Weddings these days have certainly become over the top. Outdoing one another, overdoing it with the glitz, processions, performances [ghazals, kompang *small drum*, dancing, traditional martial arts etc.], decorations, dee jays, dedications, even karaoke sessions … akin to attending a parade…

Reiterating the statement I left at Lisa’s blog…

I’d much rather choose someone that chases after Jannah than a chunk of metal.

Metal gets rusty over time.
9.49am Malaysian Time


nadia said...

'traditional martial arts' LOL

We pretty much have the same scenario in Pakistan, unfortunately.

May Allah bless you with a man that chases after Jannah.

PS: Had fun reading this article :)

Maj said...

salams sis, I think the ayah you quoted from Surah baqarah refers to when a man divorces his wife and thus he becomes responsible for the period in which she nurses the baby and is always responsible for the child.

A husband is always responsible for fulfilling his wife or wives needs.

However these days wives needs never seem to end. Always want a new outfit for every function, cant be seen in the same dress twice. etc. So in some ways a lot of men then suffer from the stress given to them by their wives. Life should be simple even Nikah should be simple. Ceremonies should be simple. More blessings in simple nikah.

Hajar Alwi said...

Nadia :: Yeap. Pretty weird really. Sometimes when they use weapons; I cringe the thought of them accidentally stabbing someone.

Insha'Allah. Not looking at the moment though. :)

LoL~ I guess I went a little overboard on the length. ^^

Brother Maj :: W'salam. Yeah. I was in a jiffy to post it that I can't seem to recollect anything else. :) But I had wanted to touch on the divorce part cos' apparently, the case is more severe there. Maybe you can say, it's like killing two birds with one stone.

LoL~ that is a generalization, don't you think? Alhamdulillah, most of the sisters I know are reasonable. The thing about life, or anything for that matter is ... it is simple. Just us, making it complicated.

Ahxuan said...

salam, chanced upon ur blog. :)

anyway, everyone is chasing for the 5Cs. what to do? this is the life in this world.

Yoli said...

Very funny and very interesting. I am so against lavish spending on weddings. Save the money for your life together, to buy a house, to raise children, not to start of your life in debt.

Hajar Zamzam Ismail said...

May Allah guide you to the "right" guy. A lot of the things you said were the way I approached the concept of marriage while a long "parade" of potential husbands were beating down my hypothetical door. I wanted a humble, funny, good-father type of husband and I thank Allah for helping me recognize my husband as 'Mr. Right' when I met him.

Ari said...

I'm starting to like Hajar (or her writings?) I can't tell.

Hajar Alwi said...

Ahxuan :: Wa'alaikumussalam. A fellow neighbor from across the causeway. Welcome! ^^

How long ago was it since I heard of the 5Cs ... tsk tsk ... haven't they increased it to more Cs?

Yoli :: Alas, it wasn't supposed to be funny. But the approach is to get the message across; which I presume it did. :) You've summed it nicely.

Hajar Zamzam Ismail :: Insya'Allah. :) LoL~ Seriously, that post of yours has several comical bits, and I think I commented he's blessed to have you. :)

Ari :: Welcome Ari! This is perplexing, are my writings not reflecting me? :) Either way, 'like' is the keyword here, thus thanks for coming over.