.: Reclaim Your Life :.

 Bismillah.

The book 'Reclaim Your Heart' by Yasmin Mogahed sits on my table. It has been there for days, weeks at stretch. Left untouched, just seen from a distance.

Why haven't I read it? I left it there with the intention to peruse through the pages. To gather the gems. To harness the profound meaning behind every sentence, every page. 

Yet, it stays there. The only thing that touches the book is dust. 

Many things had happened in the last few months. Life-changing events. Moments where I never thought I would ever experience. Times when I felt like no words can ever express the inner turmoil. 

And there were times. Times when I felt like the impossible kept happening. That there's always hope. There's always somebody looking after me. Someone who always has my back. Someone who stops me from sinking deeper. Someone, that someone,  is ever persistent in protecting me. 

Allah.

Allah.

Allah.

And as I learn to crawl back into my life. To resume some kind of normalcy. 

As I look for ways to reclaim a better version of myself, I stumbled upon Yasmin Mogahed's book and kept it on the table for as long as I can remember.

Hesitating. 

Not because I am afraid. Rather, I want to learn how to walk. I want to run again. 

From Him.

And I want to learn to reclaim my heart through His book.

May Allah ease, ameen.

7.41pm, Malaysian Time

. : Eid Adha 2020 :.

Hold Tightly to His rope. 

As'salaamualaikum. Has been a while since I last updated this blog. So much have happened for the past few months, yet the heart is thankful for the countless blessings that came with it. 

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. All praises to Allah SWT for everything. 

Having said that, I'd like to take this opportunity to say Taqabbal Allahu Minna Wa Minkum and a happy Eid to everyone who reads this blog. 

May Allah SWT bless you with everything that is good in this life and the hereafter, ameen!

Remembering Hajj. 

9.55am, Malaysia Time

.: Flee To Allah :.

Feeling lost.

With the recent announcement of restrictions in Malaysia, I can't help but feel overwhelmed. At the moment of writing, I am trembling, shivering. Perhaps it's my anxiety kicking in.

Rather than allowing it to overcome me, I think this would be the right time to say this would be the perfect time for all of us to band together and come out stronger than ever.

This is the time to flee to Allah.

It saddens me that mosques are closed for the next 2 weeks or so.

It saddens me that we are not able to perform umrah.

It saddens me that the numbers of those infected are increasing.

It saddens me that the medical staff are overworked.

And it saddens me that life, has become less than normal.

Am I scared?

Yes. In fact, I am struggling. 

But am I optimistic we can overcome this?

Yes. Because I believe Allah is there. Allah is All Hearing. Allah is All Seeing. And Allah is the only one who can take the sickness away.

This is not the time to fear the sickness.

This is the time for us to flee to Allah. 

To make doa to Him. To ask for His mercy, help and forgiveness. Ask Him for strength and patience. Ask Him for things to become better by the day. Whatever that crosses your mind, just ask it from Him. 

This is the time for us to remind each other about Allah. That He is in control of everything and He is the best of planners. Pray more. Recite more Quran. Make more salawat. 

This is the time for us to look at ourselves and see what we can do to make things better. Look out for our family,friends, neighbours, and community. Give donations to ease the burden of those affected by this sickness. Avoid crowded places. Stop mass gatherings. Always wash our hands with soap and water. Focus on good hygiene. Maintain your distance. And assure others that things will insha'Allah,eventually get better. 

This is not the time to panic. Not the time for victim blaming. Not the time to find fault with others.  

This is the time to flee to Allah.

Even if you are not a Muslim, just do your best to make the situation better. Help to reduce the spread. Get tested if you feel unwell. Stay positive.

May Allah take the sickness away and heal those who are infected by it, ameen.

8.35am, Malaysian Time

.: القطط في المسجد :.

Kittens in the masjid.

"I know pretty much what I like and dislike; but please, don’t ask me who I am." 

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Found these two at the entrance of Sultan Salahuddin Abdul Aziz Mosque. They were sound asleep and their mother was nowhere in sight. Minutes after this shot was taken, they were woken up by a couple of kids, who happily picked them up and started cuddling them. 

Their purrs. Their playfulness. Their incredibly lovable nature.

Sums up my daily dose of happiness.

7.16pm, Malaysian Time

.: Hiraeth :.

The nostalgia.

• Hiraethn. a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past

A best friend. Some of us have one. Some of us have none. Until now, I still remember those who I regarded as my best friends. The earliest memory I had was in primary school. We were in the same class for three years and four months. We drifted apart after both of us transferred to other schools. Each time I return to Singapore, I cannot help but wonder whether I would ever bump into my long lost best friend. Would we recognise one another?

Years went by and I entered my late 20s. During that time I got acquainted with someone, whose character reminded me of my long lost best friend. We clicked. The connection was surreal. Yet, all of a sudden, the friendship came to a halt. The correspondences stopped. I had no means of reaching out. All forms of communication were entirely shut down. 

And just like that, I carried that pain of losing another best friend. The grief was unbearable. Just like my long lost primary school best friend, I too start to think, what are the odds of me bumping into my late 20s best friend when I am in Singapore? 

Wanting things to return to the way they were seems impossible. The constant what ifs, only prove to cause more damage to the self being. So I move forward, and learn to come into terms with things.

There are still times when I will remember both of my long lost best friends. And those deja vu moments can be too real at times. Yet I choose to take things positively and cherish the memories. If I had not known them, I may not have turned out the way I am now. 

To my long lost primary school best friend;

I hope and pray you are doing well. You were one of the brightest students then and I knew you had it in you to carve a meaningful future. Wherever you are, keep being the helpful and ever considerate person that you are. You were a blessing to me then, and I truly believe you are still a blessing to those who are around you now.

Woodlands Primary School.

To my long lost 20s best friend;

I know you used to read my blog occasionally. If you still do, and you would like to reconnect, you know you can always contact me. I too hope and pray you are doing well. I always think highly of you and I respect you for your wisdom. You had been and is still an inspiration for me to continuously improve myself intellectually. If I ever did anything wrong, I humbly ask you to forgive me. 

MRM.

The long lost past.

9.29am, Malaysian Time

.: Ramadan 2019 :.

Almost there.

The scars that you can't see are the hardest to heal. 

Nao Tomori

Three. Two. One.

11.07am, Malaysian Time 

.: Al-Amin Xinjiang Muslim Restaurant :.

Where food meets pleasure.

This will be a biased yet genuinely straight from the heart post. 

K's friend, Brother Bao, is the owner and chef of Al-Amin Xinjiang Muslim Restaurant. The restaurant specializes in Xinjiang-style cuisine, so unlike regular Chinese Muslim restaurants, Brother Bao churns out the most amazing dishes, with Middle Eastern and Chinese influences.

While I do not usually write reviews, I am making this an exception. Mainly because Brother Bao has a delightful personality and despite how busy he is, he always makes time to chat with us each time we come to his restaurant. 

Brother Bao's restaurant has over 30 types of dishes and beverages. 

Here are our top 3 favourites:

Xinjiang Kao Bao

Looks familiar? We sell these at Kaijia too! But we still love the ones sold by Brother Bao. His are generously filled with mutton and onions.

Fried Noodles

K loves this dish to bits that he orders it at almost every visit! The noodles are quite spicy and not heavily drenched in oil. 

Da Pan Ji

Also known as Big Plate Chicken, this bite-sized chicken dish is cooked with a variety of vegetables. Order a side of rice, noodles or bread to go along with it.

Bonus: Niangpi

Once upon a time, we sold these at Kaijia too. These days, whenever we feel like walking down the memory lane, we would order this to share.

Does the restaurant tick all the right boxes?

Tasty dishes? Yes!

Wide variety? Yes!

Reasonable price? Yes!

Generous portions? Yes!

Comfortable setting? Yes!

And they even have a surau. No excuse for missing your prayers!

The only downside? 

Finding a parking spot can be challenging, though that should not deter you from ever going there. The food and ambiance are well worth it.

Restaurant details:

Al-Amin Xinjiang Muslim Restaurant

Address: No.20 Jalan 19/3, Seksyen 19, 46400, Petaling Jaya

Opens daily: 12PM - 9PM (Fridays, 3PM - 9PM)

Phone number: 010-566 4012

Getting hungry.

9.09pm, Malaysian Time

.: Almost Unreal :.

Entirely surreal.

Minutes, hours, days, weeks and months. 

In a matter of days, K and I will insha'Allah embark on a relatively new territory. We never thought the day would come. We were contented with what we had and we still are. Yet Alhamdulillah, He is the ultimate provider and He has paved the path for us to achieve something we had never imagined to ever achieve in this lifetime. 

This may be a small step for others, but to us, it is a major blessing. A blessing that we can never thank Him enough for bestowing upon us.

While we are unsure of the path ahead, one thing is for sure, come what may, we are certain that He will guide and protect us along the way. As He always does.

Just a few more days to go, khair, insha'Allah. 

5.27pm, Malaysia Time

.: 新年到，新年好 :.

New stage in life.

Wishing all of you a Happy Chinese New Year! 

May it be a year of prosperity, good health and lots of happiness. 

祝你们新年快乐，万事如意，身体健康，天天快乐！

Before anybody starts asking me for red packets, I have to point out that K, despite being a Chinese from China, does not celebrate Chinese New Year. In fact, his family never celebrates it. Chinese New Year to them is just like any other day. Then again, they do not really celebrate any festivity, so this did not come as a surprise for me. Did that just blow your mind? 

So what did we do on Chinese New Year? We went out, met some friends, had a nice dinner with K's niece, and we slept. Even the firecrackers and fireworks failed to kick the sanity out of us. We heard the sounds, we disregarded it, and we went back to bed. Best sleep ever!

But we did host some friends the day before. We had hotpot. For a brief moment, it did feel like we were having our reunion dinner, except it was not dinner. What we had was a late lunch. 

The new stage in life? We are expecting something huge to kickoff this year, insha'Allah. Something that we have been praying for. Something that we have been yearning for. Something that would insha'Allah bring significant changes to our lives. 

No. It is not a baby. 

Or maybe it is. Figuratively.

Excited, yet nervous. 

Off to hunt for a mandarin orange.

9.37am, Malaysia Time

.: Selamat Datang :.

Alhamdulillah!

We finally got the letter from Putrajaya Immigration! After months of waiting and feeling down in the dumps, we finally got the letter to bring my in-laws over. Am I ecstatic? Definitely! 

There are no words to describe what K and I are feeling at this very moment. Absolutely no words. We are just more than thankful that our application got through. 

What's next?

Chaotic last minute arrangements to bring my in-laws over. There is a lot to prepare. There is the visa collection, booking the plane tickets, right down to the nitty-gritty. Then there is also the need to oversee our ever hectic schedule. Loads to do, with little time to spare. 

But what matters most is... my in-laws could finally come and stay with us in Malaysia for a few months!

Counting the days till that happen.

11.59am, Malaysia Time

.: Far Ahead :.

The saga continues.

Almost a month has passed since I submitted my documents to the immigration in Putrajaya. Until now, I have not received an update regarding the status of my application. And I have grown tired of calling and trying to get updates.

I am at my wits' end. I had wanted to bring my in-laws over to spend time with us. We have not met them for more than 2 years, plus the winter there can be horribly miserable. Year after year, the winter season does more damage to their fragile health and they suffer from ailments because of it. Perhaps I was too naive to think I would be allowed to bring them to spend the entire winter season here.

At least I have tried. And Alhamdulillah, my in-laws understand the complexities. 

Yet, I still have that nagging feeling that I could and should have done more. 

Each time I express this to K, he tells me I should not be too hard on myself. Some things are just beyond our control and we should just accept it. Perhaps it is not the right time. Or perhaps, there is a better reason why it takes like forever each time we have to deal with the immigration. Take it as a trial, our trial.

Yes; this is not Jannah. Until the last breath is drawn, we will always be tested. The one thing I keep telling myself each time I feel disappointed with something.

There is still a lot to be learned.

12.48noon, Malaysia Time

.: Meet My In-Laws :.

Not exactly.

We had gone over to Putrajaya to apply visas for my in-laws. Not sure of the outcome yet as they are still in the midst of processing the application. Plus I still need to provide them another document, which is pending on my employer's side. Other than that, I really hope the application goes through as it had been more than two years since my husband and I last met them.

I have to admit, I had the jitters prior to submitting the application. I was worried whether I had all the right documents and whether I would qualify as a sponsor. 

Alhamdulillah, things went far better than expected. We managed to get most of our documents ready in JB. When we went to Putrajaya, both the immigration and Wisma Putra officers were extremely helpful and our application was accepted that very morning. And I was assured that my combined income, from my employer and my writing gigs, would be sufficient to qualify me as a sponsor. 

I was elated. I am still elated. Never had I ever imagined things could go this smooth.

Now I just hope and pray that my employer sends the document soon so I can forward it to the immigration. 

Counting stars.

5.21pm, Malaysia Time

.: Buy Nothing :.

Does that make sense?

Earlier this year I came across a group on Facebook called the "Beli Nothing Project (Klang Valley)". Here's an excerpt from the group:

Buy Nothing. Give freely. Share what you might not need anymore.  

Post anything you would like to give away, lend or share among neighbors & friends or even a future friend here.  

Ask for anything you would like to receive for free or borrow. Keep it legal & civil. No buying or selling, no trade or bartering as we are a gift community.  

Kindly arrange the logistics among yourselves... It may be a good idea to just give or take from someone nearby. 😁  

Let's start small & see where it takes us.

To be honest, I find the concept remarkably intriguing. I have quite a number of things that are still in good condition and here is a platform that would allow me to give it all away, for a good cause. 

Lo and behold, my new mantra: Goodbye things, hello minimalism!

In reality, my imaginary minimalist dream was a far cry from the idealistic reality I was pinning for. The fact that the group mainly consists of members from you guessed it, Klang Valley, made it quite impossible for me to part with any of my things.

I, am in Johor Bahru.

And I would rather not go through the hassle of posting the items over because the postage fees for some of the items could cost a bomb and I prefer to give the items to people within my locality. 

Weeks, months went by and after I did a bit of occasional digging around, I eventually found.... a local chapter!

There is a Beli Nothing Project (Johor Bahru)!

Plus I found a similar group - the Johor Swap Shop

I reckon both groups could potentially be my happy place. 

Goodbye things, hello minimalism!

4.31pm, Malaysia Time

.: Jazz Festival :.

Not exactly.

Planned to attend the Jazz Festival at Puteri Harbour. Too bad things didn't turned out as planned because both Mr Husband and I were still feeling slightly under the weather.

Even so, we did go over to the venue earlier in the day. The festival was supposed to start at 5pm, though by 2pm, they were already in the middle of the preparations. Seats were well-arranged and we managed to watch a bit of the rehearsals. 

We went back around 4pm. Could have stayed for another hour but I was already feeling weary from all the walking. 

Later at night, a friend of ours shared some photos and videos of the festival. Everything looked and sounded amazing. 

Next time, maybe?

PS: Decided to do away with the font size. 

12.34 noon, Malaysia Time

.: LTSVP :.

Confession.

In less than a month, we will make that biannual pilgrimage to Putrajaya to renew Mr Husband's visa. 

Honestly speaking, I do not look forward to it. I get tired just thinking that we had been making the biannual trips to Putrajaya from Johor Bahru for the past 2 years or so. And the thought that it may continue for years to come, drains me.

But we do not have much of a choice. 

The LTSVP (Long Term Social Visit Pass) for PRC citizens can only be applied in Putrajaya. 

Thankfully, the process usually takes a day, or two tops to complete. Plus the whole pilgrimage thing sort of gives us a chance to visit family and friends in Kuala Lumpur.

Having said that, do I expect any changes to the policy with the new government?

Definitely! 

I would go beyond ecstatic if the renewal process can be done in Johor Bahru. That would be the ultimate dream come true! A longer LTSVP would be double happiness for me. Looking further ahead, an online renewal system would indefinitely bring the entire process to a whole new level.

The things I would do to even get one of those dreams. Keep on making dua. Keep on praying.

For now, I guess Mr Husband and I are still stuck with making that biannual pilgrimage. All about making the best of things. 

Road trip!

12.20 noon, Malaysia Time

.: New Malaysia :.

New hope.

And today, he became the Prime Minister again. 

Welcome back. 😊

11.01am, Malaysian Time

.: On creativity :.

Still there?

An article to complete. A couple of half-baked invoices waiting to be submitted. A handful of assignments I conveniently keep for another day. I should really start working on those items, yet I spent the entire afternoon designing our latest marketing materials.

Am I happy with these? 

Honestly?

Not quite. 

But these will have to do for now.

Friday is here again.

12.29 noon, Malaysian Time

.: April :.

For there is no fool.

Going through the stuff at home feels like going on a journey into the unknown. You never know what you will find in one box or the other. Be it a bag, a book, or a broken piece of toy, each item is attached to a particular memory - a memory that you never thought still lingers in the depths of your soul. 

And through that memory... you are reminded.

Reminded of how things were. Of how things have changed since then. Of how things could have turned out, if you had taken a different approach. 

Things change, people change, even feelings change. But memories, memories remain constant. And they are capable of bringing you back to how you were, after drifting off for so long. 

Making amends.

12.02am, Malaysian Time

.: Edible Park :.

A stroll.

"and that's when I asked myself, where has all my worrying got me?" 

Khaled Siddiq 

A thought. 

7.37am, Malaysian Time

.: Detaching realities :.

Minesweeper.

Ever felt like with every move you take, you are getting closer to stepping on a mine? One wrong move, and instantly, all your hard work gets blown apart.

Or do you feel that you are only moving closer to your goals? Of finally achieving all you have ever worked for. 

Strike a balance between the two extremes.

Entering February 2018. 

8.19am, Malaysian Time